


Falling In Tandem

by JamlessGenius



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Adding tags as they appear, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld Is Attractive, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cinnamon Roll Ahn Jaewon | Wyld, For Want of a Nail fic, M/M, MAYHEM can actually work as a team guys, Major Character Injury, Media Plays, Movie Nights, OT4, Panic Attacks, Photoshoots, Polyamory, Sasaengs and Stalkers, Secrets, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, jjolee supremacy, switching POV, that tag will never not apply
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:07:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 31,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25773334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamlessGenius/pseuds/JamlessGenius
Summary: When Jaewon realizes that he has a sasaeng, he knows two things.1. There will be no pity for him.2. The only shot he has of any help at all, is the company.A different choice sets off a different set of dominos. Maybe that’s not a bad thing.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/ Kim Daehyun, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/Kang Dongho | D.Min, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/Kang Dongho | D.Min/Kim Daehyun/Lee Minsoo, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/Lee Minsoo, Kang Dongho | D.Min/Kim Daehyun, Kang Dongho | D.Min/Lee Minsoo, Kim Daehyun/Lee Minsoo
Comments: 134
Kudos: 279





	1. JAEWON

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Quillium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillium/gifts), [i_was_human](https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/gifts).



> Blame my OT4-sluthood on @i_was_human.

There’s someone in his house.

It’s a thought that came to him with incredible clarity. Clearer than the dark hair that wasn’t his against white tile. Jaewon isn’t one for improvising, but he needed to pretend he is for ten minutes. What’s he going to do? 

The sasaeng was willing to break in to his house. There’s no telling how volatile their mental state was. No telling about a lot of details that he needed if he’s going to make a plan. So he’s got to wing it.

Nobody is going to believe him while he’s Wyld. Nobody but the people who know he isn’t. And there were very few of them.

He needed to handle this with the company.

He could practically hear his debt multiplying by the notion. But he can’t do anything but go along with it.

“Hello? Wyld? What are you calling me about?” The CEO was less scary over the phone, when Jaewon didn’t have to look at his face. His knees trembled, but he forced his voice to remain firm.

“Ah... it’s my most recent scandal, I think there’s someone I want to make a specific public apology to,can we talk about it at the office?”

“Sure.” Their CEO was abrupt with his tone as he was with hanging up. The ID of the poster, “Wyld’s World,” was clearly a fan of his. If he sounded like he reciprocated their affection... he could slip out.

He did make it out of his apartment safely. And he made it to the company building safely. 

“What really brings you here, Wyld?” The CEO asked in lieu of a greeting.

“There’s a sasaeng in my apartment,” Jaewon explained. Their CEO was clinical, an underlying hint of interest. 

“We’ll call the police and work something out. Why are you coming to me? I’m going to want media on this.” Jaewon bit his tongue at the last part. But he sighed.

“Because people who only know of my reputation aren’t going to believe me, and you want my real personality under wraps. It’s hitting the media no matter what, I’d like to come out of it uninjured.” The CEO nodded. 

“Anything else?”

“Can I be checked into a hotel? On company funds? That don’t go towards my debt?” The question came out rushed as Jaewon’s confidence began to falter. The CEO’s mild expression fell, a skeptical eyebrow raise in its place.

“You’re asking me to pay for a long hotel stay. What’s in it for me?” 

Wasn’t it obvious? 

“Backlash,” Jaewon stated bluntly. “It’s suspicious if I’m not staying with a member. That’s scandal fodder in itself.”

“You’re learning,” their CEO hummed, impressed.

He wasn’t learning. He just understood by now. People were going to hate him for every lie and image adjustment the company painted him with. 

That’s a lie.

He is learning. He’s just like the CEO, manipulating and lying and toying with half-truths so that only the image is what is left. That hurt, it’s a deep cut to understand that you’re turning into what hurt you the most. He’s manipulating a manipulator. Playing with the public eye and understanding for his own gain. In what way does that not make him the same? 

It’s icy clarity, and not relief, that made him let out a breath. 

“I like this idea and it’s a new one. A fresh way to get your face on front pages. Let’s see how many headlines this gets.” 

Idea. Like it wasn’t Jaewon’s life in danger. In the end, he was a pawn, to die off it furthered its player. It was a terrifying understanding, how little value he held if he wasn’t in a scandal. Though if anyone bothered to look through brand reputation rankings, that was obvious. 

He sat in the office as they plotted. Plotting. The word made him feel like a villain, and not in a cool movie-like way. He felt evil. Like he’s just made a big mistake.

Which is stupid, he rationalized, because what else could he do? 

Rationalized. What a weird word, to judge a person’s actions. Though, as the only one who could see what was going on, who else would understand? That he wasn’t a playboy and that he was hurt. And that he’d just manipulated a person into doing things like this. 

It’s about survival, he rationalized, knowing that he was rationalizing and still feeling the syrupy guilt for what he’d just unleashed.

He sneakily packed bags in his apartment, the whole time humming as many love songs with the word “world” in them as he could. He’d looked them up on the train ride over. 

He’d just checked in when the statement went public. And how convenient? He’d just been spotted by a hotel? What a strange little coincidence.

They’ve called him callous and cruel. Jaewon wondered, briefly, if they could see him now. Because in the end, isn’t that what he’d became? A manipulator? A second piece to the CEO, who was so terrible that the smallest piece of the Jaewon who was scared to hate everyone burned with disgust on seeing his face? 

He’d been simple and trusting for so much of his life. Can he still call himself such? 

“It’s one decision,” he sighed at the mirror. Like that effected anything. One decision, like he’d chased that woman to return a wallet, agreed to write that letter, walked into that audition room.

One decision, one decision was always going to be a piece of his undoing. 


	2. DAEHYUN

“I’m calling a meeting,” Minsoo hyung looked over the table at him and Dongho hyung. 

“You already did. What’s the problem?” Their eldest looked unamused but their leader plowed on.

“Did anyone know that Jaewon had a sasaeng?”

A what? He exchanged a look with the members of the hyung line, seeing no understanding in Dongho hyung’s eyes either. 

On Minsoo hyung’s phone, a typed statement from the company was out. Jaewon had a sasaeng, and she’d broken into his house. 

Why hadn’t he told them?

When he looked up Jaewon hyung’s name, he saw the sasaeng hitting news, but also another scandal.

“I think he’s staying at a hotel,” he looked up at the others. No surprise, Dongho hyung rolled his eyes. Minsoo hyung, on the other hand, nodded vigorously.

“Because he didn’t tell us. He doesn’t tell us about a lot of shit but this isn’t very funky fresh of him.”

“I speak several languages and that is not one of them,” Dongho hyung muttered with a glare. “And sit down, you’re going to attract attention.” Minsoo hyung ignored him. 

“Anywhoodles! We’re gonna keep an eye on him. And not let him know that we are.” 

Huh?

Dongho hyung turned to Minsoo hyung, saying what Daehyun was thinking. 

“What?”

“It’s not smart to leave him alone, and Jaewon’s always alone. The only time isn’t is it he’s working, with us, or...” Minsoo hyung trailed off.

“Making messes and dealing with them?” Dongho hyung’s voice was icy. Maybe even flinty. It was an awkward subject. Almost a taboo. 

“That’s not the point. Anyway, I volunteer as tribute for club shift!”

Daehyun snickered, despite the situation.

“We probably shouldn’t let him go in there, hyung. If he gets caught, you don’t know what that sasaeng will do to him,” Daehyun finally managed to speak up. 

They sat for a few minutes, hashing out a system. Daehyun had volunteered to go first.

“Hyung!” He approached from behind, relishing in the startled yelp Jaewon hyung let out. “Let’s go to the museum!”

“Which one?” Jaewon asked, a weird array of emotions flickering and changing so quickly across his face that it was hard for Daehyun to read them. A weird sort of amalgamation of joy and hope and confusion and discomfort. 

In lieu of response to that, he just grabbed Jaewon hyung’s arm and tugged him along. 

“Let’s go!”

Their walk was stopped midway by someone recognizing Jaewon hyung’s hair.

The fans surrounding them were almost suffocating and he’s pretty sure Jaewon hyung got whacked in the head by someone’s camera. Whatever it was, he looked uncomfortable.

But he didn’t get to do very much about it as fans started all trying to talk to him at once. This wasn’t a comfortable situation at all. And it wasn’t a safe one for hyung either. Sasaeng and all that. 

His eyes strayed to Jaewon hyung, helping up a guy who’d fallen in the rush of fans, offering him a bandage. He bowed to the crowd of fans with as much room as he had, being very little. 

“Yeah! I’m so sorry! But hyung and I have to go!”

He treaded over to Jaewon, who was smiling and chatting amicable with the other guy. The man smiled and left, and he clung to Jaewon’s shirt to make sure they didn’t get separated again as they turned to continue their trek. The fans called after him. 

“Bye bye, Daehyunah!”

He waved goodbye as Jaewon hyung also bid them farewell, an expertly polite expression on his face as people looked at him in ways that were either unkind or uncomfortable. And by that, he meant that Jaewon hyung had girls eyeing him like a piece of meat. Scary. 

He noticed, only a little while after, that they hadn’t bid farewell to Jaewon hyung. 

Speaking of, Jaewon hyung. He looked over at his hyung, eyes on a plaque beside a painting. 

He knew that Jaewon hyung was a little shy. And always seemed polite to them. But in this moment, it dawned on him. Jaewon hyung was kind. A genuinely nice person. Trying so hard to make sure an innocent bystander he had nothing to do with was alright. Looking unaffected when fans were unkind to him but always tried to make them happy when he saw them. 

He was so aloof with them. Why? What had they done? 

He walked onward, not mentioning it. Not mentioning that Jaewon hyung probably didn’t like them as much as he said he did out of what was probably kindness. Not mentioning that Jaewon hyung was so warm and so aloof that he didn’t know which was real. 

He didn’t mention a lot of things. Because after all this time, speaking out instead of possibly watching was never his thing. 


	3. DONGHO

Dongho wasn’t so rude as to do nothing. He was a member of the team and he took it seriously.

It was a simple request, to join him in his studio. Jaewon had looked so... so uncomfortable.

It bothered him. He was probably the most physically strong, but did Jaewon think he was going to beat him up or something? It bothered him, and rested on his mind. 

But he wasn’t really able to do anything other than follow Jaewon like a stalker. 

He made a determined path to a coffeeshop. There was a decently sized line out the door, and he walked right past it.

Wasn’t that a rude thing to do?

But no, it seemed that he was working a shift there. Did their reputations and position as idols mean nothing to Ahn Jaewon? 

The manager was pretty, but he seemed more attached to another member of their staff. A male member. Maybe they were friends. 

But if they were...

Tattoos had a lot of connotations in this country and the gruff resting face didn’t help the guy’s image. He seemed sketchy.

Though, sketchy looking friends were better than sketchy actions. Being seen at seedy bars or nightclubs with another girl in his arms. 

But what struck him more was how Jaewon was smiling. Most of those soft smiles were never really for the members. He smiled at fans, smiled for cameras, but smiles from Jaewon were a commodity, the more he considered them.

Of course, did scarcity make them valuable?

There’s a piece of him that said yes, a piece that felt a stab of something that’s either envy or guilt. A piece of him that can see just how much happier Jaewon was with the guy with black hair, tattoos, and nametag that says Jun. 

Was it because of the rift between them? They’d never been as tight-knit as they could have, but had the rift between them become an uncrossable chasm? 

He remembered, back in their trainee days, how Jaewon had been so shy, so unflinchingly and unfailingly polite. He’d tried so hard not to impose. And maybe he’d succeeded too well.

Was that why? Was that why he seemed out affection and attention from anyone who would give it to him? Was it their faults?

A part of him said no. That true natures cannot be someone else’s fault. That fame changes people.

Another part isn’t sure.

He thought, for a moment, about how other kpop groups when he’d looked at them. Back when he’d realized that music was his calling. Back when he’d been ready to sacrifice anything for it. 

They were not always the same kind of people, but they clearly cared about each other. Like what a family could have looked like. Or at the very least, close friends.

Not with him.

His own groupmates were always happiest with people who weren’t him. People who weren’t them. 

It’s a perfectly rational irony. That an icy and estranged family births a kid that ended up in a kpop group that was estranged too. 

Was it because of him? At least partially. There was no way he held no hand. 

It was easier, Dongho mused, to blame himself. 

Jaewon was sleeping now on one of the tables, which made Dongho’s spine twinge in commiseration. The other two, blond manager lady who’d been very interested in Jaewon-not that he’d noticed-and the other guy were bantering.

He’d seen enough. If he stayed any longer, he’d want to talk to this Jun-person. 

And, honestly? A big part of him is saying to stay out of it. 

Pretending to care will only hurt Jaewon, if it’s what got them there. Sending out a text that he’d done his part for the day, he dove into producing. 

Exclusively so that he didn’t have to think about any of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dongho: I’m going to sing a song for you all.  
> Dongho: It’s called “My Life So Far”  
> Dongho: *inhales and plays a chord*  
> Dongho: *SCREEEAAAMMSSS*


	4. MINSOO

It’s his turn to watch Jaewon. Watch Jaewon.

It sounded a little funny. Like he’s not an adult.

Jaewon’s not even that much younger than them. He’s not even the makane.

But they’re in a rec room, Jaewon on his phoneand shooting him wayward glances every so often.

He’s uncomfortable.

“Is something wrong?” Minsoo asked the question with no expectation of an answer. The smile Jaewon gave him was reassuring, beatific- 

And _fake_.

“Nothing at all, hyung!”

If he hadn’t seen him switch the expressions like masks, so easily with no fault, he’d have thought it was a real smile. 

It was unnerving. Discomforting.

Jaewon was lying-

No, he was  _ acting _ .

And he was a _good_ at it too. 

And the more he thought about it, the more the dawning realization came to him of just how little he knows about his bandmate. And if he’s so surprised by what’s underneath the surface of the facade when it cracks for the most split of seconds, then he really doesn’t know him at all. It hammered it home in ways he didn’t like to think about.

“Hey, Jaewon, do you like cats?”

Jaewon nearly dropped his phone, surprised by the question. 

“Uh... yes?”

Cat lovers were very suspect in his eyes. But he’d let it lie for then. Only if...

“Are they your favorite animal?”

“Sharks are my favorite, hyung. Why do you ask?”

Sharks? What a weird favorite. He won’t hold it against him, though. 

“Just curious. What’cha got in that cup?”

“Coffee?”

It was five pm. Yikes.

“Geez, at this point in the day?”

Jaewon’s confusion broke to let a flash of amusement cross his face. 

“I drink a lot of coffee, hyung.” Minsoo huffed and replied with no malice.

“Probably too much, that’s bad for you.”

“I... okay.” Jaewon looked uncomfortable. Which was fair. They weren’t really close enough for Minsoo to comment on his life choices like this. Even if they were public figures and Jaewon’s life choices were always splashed across a tabloid. 

“I mean, I’m not gonna stop you, that’s probably one of the lesser health issues in this line of work.”

Jaewon smiled lightly, interest coloring his tone.

“I suppose.”

“So... what would you do if you weren’t an idol? I’d go for professional gaming.” He leaned over to look at Jaewon, and Jaewon pursed his lips in thought.

“You’d probably be good at that. For me? I mean... I’d probably be a barista or police officer.” 

Minsoo ignored the small flush of pride at the compliment on his gaming skills.

“Again with the coffee?!”

Jaewon chuckled weakly before he realized that Minsoo was mainly joking.

“Favorite drink?”

“Coffee?” Jaewon looked at him, confused. Minsoo shook his head. He could be a little oblivious, it seemed.

“No... alcohol.”

“I can’t take liquor,” Jaewon shrugged. “I don’t really drink.”

Wasn’t he the one who went to clubs? What was up with that? Was he lying? 

Did he black out or something?

He’s going to need to see exactly what a drunk Jaewon looks like. 

“I like yogurt soju. You’re gonna drink it with me sometime so I can see it,” he declared. Jaewon looked at him, surprised.

“I’m just gonna pass out on you, hyung. There’s nothing to see.” But Minsoo shook his head.

“I wanna see it so I’m gonna, but that’s beside the point.” Jaewon sighed.

“Why are you asking all these questions?”

“I guess... I just don’t know you guys as well as I should.” Minsoo’s confession drove them into a moment of silence.

Jaewon’s eyes trailed to where Daehyun stood, texting. The smile on his lips held an emotion Minsoo barely recognized when put on Jaewon’s face. It was a bitter smile. A dark one. Another crack in the facade. It was so much easier to see beneath once you knew it was there. And what it possibly hid scared Minsoo.

“I wonder, sometimes, if the price we pay to keep our secrets is really worth the cost.”

There was a secret. He knew it. If it was anything else, he’d cheer at the confession. But it wasn’t him admitting. It was a slip.  Our secrets, he’d said. 

Hairs rose along his arms. Jaewon was an actor, a good one, atop all of this, and he was only seeing it now.

It was unnerving, to see what Jaewon let slip. To know that his acting was best used at pretending to be okay. 

To know that there always had been something he didn’t fully understand in the picture. 

To have that fact, something that highlighted his inadequacy as a leader, shoved in his face. He’s his leader, he should know. More than that, he’s supposed to be his hyung. 

Part of him hated that in that sense, in the one thing his own brother failed at, he couldn’t do either. But he sure as hell was going to start trying. It’s never too late, and all the proverbs that say as much in evasive and fancy metaphor, right?

Swallowing, he turned back to face Jaewon fully.

“Sometime, lets play a video game together?”

His voice nearly shook. Why did it feel like such a simple offer meant so much more than it should?

Did it?

But the question was replaced by what came after seeing the expression on Jaewon’s face. It did. And it was written in between the lines of Jaewon’s expression.

This... this hopeful joy, eyes curling into a smile. All for the smallest request to spend time with him.

“Sure, hyung.”

And his heart found itself breaking.


	5. JAEWON

It was a sudden movement, the attack.  
But Jaewon felt the comfort touch of being held upright in someone’s arms. But he hadn’t fallen-

Oh.

  
Minsoo was hugging him.

  
Minsoo had wrapped him in a hug, burying his face into Jaewon’s neck.

  
Every inhale of air smelled like Minsoo. Citrusy, a bright smell that matched the elder member.  
  
Carefully, gently, he wrapped his own arms around his hyung. He felt a twitch against his neck, where Minsoo’s lips probably were. Was he frowning against his neck or smiling?

Was this real? Was he really hugging Minsoo?  
If this was some sort of dream amidst all this chaos, he didn’t want to wake up.

  
“I’ll hold you to that,” it’s a whisper against his ear and a shining smile and suddenly Minsoo is Dongho, asking if he’s able to come in and consider listening to one of his tracks.

What was going on here?  
  
It’s this weird sort of fugue state that flashed in and out as his life seemed to turn on its head. None of the members were acting normally. Why?

And then he’s in the CEO’s office.

“I’m helping you, Wyld. So tell me why you’re not doing what you need to on the other end.” He looked angry, and for this to work, Jaewon needed to placate him.

  
For this to work.

  
Like monster who tricks that he’d become.

  
“I can’t. The statements are out and you’re keeping fans updated to the point where they think there’s a close eye on me. It won’t make sense for me to bring doing things like that because it looks like I have permission. Those aren’t the kinda of questions people are supposed to be raising about my lifestyle.”  
The CEO paused, then nodded.

  
“I’ll accept that point. We’ll keep up the updates until it runs on for too long without a scandal. Then we’re going to deal with her. As soon as that happens-“

  
“Right back to the nightlife my face goes?” The comment was dryly made. He feels like he’s being incredibly disrespectful, but he can’t find the energy to care. He’s exhausted, lying to the only person on the planet who knows the truth about him for his own gain, and becoming just as manipulative as the man who ruined him.  
  
It’s a painful understanding, to say the least.  
He’s cruel and callous and becoming exactly what his painted image has become. Self-fulfilling prophecies are no joke, he mused dryly.

But he walked, mind in his own head to the point that he barely noticed the hand around his wrist or the direction he was walking.  
Dongho must have been talking for a while before he probably realized that Jaewon wasn’t hearing him.

  
“You okay?”

  
And, like a rubber band’s stinging slap, he’s snapped back into reality.

  
“H-huh? Oh I’m fine. Just disoriented.”  
  
“Sasaeng?”  
Jaewon only nodded.  
“Do you mind listening to this for me?”

Jaewon shook his head as soft headphones closed over his ears and a page of lyrics, scribbled and crossed out in places, was handed to him.  
  
The lyrics were a heartbreak you’d expect of a person wearing a mask and releasing the feelings elsewhere. So Dongho wasn’t as stoic as he pretended to be.

Not that it was the point, but that added layer of repression made it all so... sad.  
Why was everything about pretending and masks and perspectives and responses? In that being a person is no different from fighting a war?

  
Jaewon wasn’t too sure that he liked that comparison, but he’s no lyricist.

  
“From the first line, it’s sad,” Jaewon mused, watching the song’s time tick on his hyung’s computer as he read through the lyrics. And listened to the backing track, less electronic than their usual style. It‘s a sad song, but sometimes things need to be, to be beautiful. Jaewon needs to suffer, so MAYHEM can smile. For beauty, there is pain. Maybe his younger self would have made a joke about equivalent exchange. Before he realized that it’s rarely so.

  
The eldest looked surprised at the actual response. Though Jaewon supposed that it was fair of him, considering that he never did spend all too much time with the others.

  
Hah.

  
Reading people, a skill he’d been forced to hone, coming into play in even other situations. Like what he’d been doing, tricking the last person who understood. Not that the CEO cared, in any sense of the word.  
But it’s not the point. It’s just reality. Reading lines between what people said because there is no fine print in conversations, just words left unsaid and the looks in people’s eyes. Fine print that he failed to understand when he signed on. So he forced himself to read the lyrics and find the fine print in not only the track but the look on Dongho’s face.

  
“Is it too sad?”  
Now he understood. Dongho was gauging a response before he showed it to the producers who mattered.  
Jaewon’s opinion shouldn’t matter in this case. It probably wouldn’t by the end of it. Though, he did have an opinion.

  
It was pretty, so pretty.

  
And so terrifying.

  
Love songs? Sad love songs? Wasn’t that Jaewon’s life? Pain in what was supposed to be something beautiful? Dongho, he supposed, really was a person who turns the world into art.

  
“But I like it like that,” Jaewon found himself adding. “It’s more real.”

  
“Would you sing it?” Dongho hyung’s voice was hushed, his vulpine eyes trained on him. It startled him out of his own thoughts, reminding him of where he was. In Dongho‘s workspace. He was intruding on something precious, and ruining it for someone else.

  
Why? Why?

  
He should never have spoken. Never had opened his mouth. Never should have entered the room. He should have never entered where he wasn’t truly allowed to go.

  
“I’m sorry, I have to go.”  
  
So he ran.

  
And pretended he didn’t notice the flash of an emotion he didn’t recognize on Kang Dongho’s face.


	6. DAEHYUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi um the people this fic is gifted to are the real cinnamon rolls thx  
> ,,,not the kind of note i expected to leave when i wrote this chapter  
> it’s literally several hundred words of daehyun Panic

It’s a movie night. They’ve never had one of these before. Minsoo hyung had set it up and told them was to watch Jaewon hyung but nobody was fooled. He just wanted to hang out. 

Why did they have to pretend like that? 

He’d revisit it later. Now, he was kinda excited.

“Popcorn? Our managers are gonna scold us for breaking our diets,” he pointed out when Minsoo hyung carried a giant bowl of the stuff in. Said hyung looked offended.

“You mean to tell me that you think movie nights are possible without snacks?! Disgusting!” 

That was true. Movie nights without snacks were sacrilegious. 

“I... never mind you’re completely right,” he grumbled. Minsoo hyung just gave him a smug look in response.

“Um... what movie are we watching?” Jaewon hyung, who they’d dragged along turned to Dongho hyung, who was rifling through the movie options. Minsoo hyung pointed to one on the screen.

“Ooh, that one would be good!”

“I’ve seen it before,” he said. Dongho hyung turned to him.

“You like romcoms?”

“I like comedies,” he replied. Hyung laughed.

“You know, original comedies are the ones with happy endings, typically marked but a wedding,” Jaewon hyung muttered. 

“That’s not so bad,” Minsoo agreed, reading the blurb. 

“Let’s do it then,” Dongho hyung’s face was practically dripping in amusement.

The movie was a pretty funny one, and there were parts where they all laughed. Minsoo hyung had a running commentary going with Dongho hyung that he was mostly tuning out.

“No! You absolutely idiotic brick for brains! That is not what you say when you’re caught tripping!” There was Minsoo hyung.

“Seriously, isn’t he supposed to be a smooth playboy?”

And there was Dongho hyung.

Jaewon hyung’s eyes were glued to the screen, when the actor smirked and said one of his more iconic lines. 

_ And Jaewon hyung smirked with him. _

And... listen. When he watched their stages it was mostly to pick apart their performance and see how they could do better. Or even just to enjoy live versions of their songs. 

But Jaewon hyung smirking? That was an  _ experience _ . 

The little huff of a laugh, the way his eyes tilted with it. It’s hot.

Jaewon hyung was not allowed to be this hot. He vaguely heard Minsoo hyung making fun of the cheesiness of a line and Dongho hyung’s stiff agreement. But by then, his eyes were trapped. Glued. He’s mostly stopped paying attention to the movie. He’s already seen it anyway. But Jaewon hyung clearly hasn’t. What with the way his plush lips parted in an “o” at some points. 

Help him, he’s literally dying here.

S t r i k e h i m d e a d 

Please

He’s literally begging.

He begged a little harder when Jaewon tensed at one of the scenes.

And... _um_...?

Jaw clenched, muscles coiled. It’s the kinda look that puts heat in the most stoic of people.

No.

Kim Daehyun. He’s your hyung.

Your _very-likely straight_ hyung.

Stop drooling over him.

Yeah, he needed to remind himself that many, many times the next day when they had a photoshoot and it was Wyld hyung on display.

Loosening a tie, raised eyebrow, 

l i p b i t e s.

His sanity was not doing all too well, thanks.

Especially considering that it’s an act for cameras. Modeling and such. None of that’s real. 

He’s drooling over a pretend version of his hyung.

Was it pretend, though? He has to wonder what with the girls who’ve claimed to sleep with him. Saying he’s good in bed and all that. But there were so many conflicting stories about sleeping with him that everyone takes em with a grain of salt. But he thinks Jaewon hyung’s the kind of lover who-

Kim. Daehyun. 

Stop.

Now.

Jaewon hyung walked of the set as they called for Dongho hyung.

“How did I do?”

“Really well, hyung. Geez, those are some visuals,” he chimed. Jaewon hyung looked a little startled, and then beamed at him.

No!

He can’t be cute too! Universe! This isn’t fair!

Duality was for celebrities on screens and-

Shoot.

_ They  were _ celebrities on screens. 

What’s worse is that he’s incredibly attracted to his hyung, and he can’t drop out of the rotating guard.

Not if he was pretending he was still in the closet. Not if he didn’t want this ginormous... crush(?) getting out. 

So yeah. He’s throughly screwed.

He looked at Jaewon, who was smiling at a chibi drawing of the four of them.

Not the worst way to go out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag yourself! I’m Daehyun literally forgetting that he’s an idol.


	7. DONGHO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or: Members of MAYHEM thirsting over Jaewon, a pure and good concept  
> Also, I said it was slow burn. Thirst is not liking someone is not getting together uwu

Dongho was still unnerved. They were at a photoshoot, Jaewon’s hair was slicked back (and he will never tell a soul how his mouth went dry at the sight) and he’s looking at the camera like some sort of devil drawing people to sin.

Dongho was lucky he can control his expressions because he saw Minsoo and for a split second their leader had looked like he’d wanted to eat the younger rapper. 

Jaewon’s hot, nothing new.

  
But what unnerved him wasn’t his own reaction.

It’s how good of an actor Jaewon is. He molded his expressions and positions on command, so easily. He played such a devil for a cameras when he’s so soft among them. 

It didn’t add up.

None of it added up. 

Jaewon, he’s starting to understand, has only gotten more mysterious since their trainee days. More of an enigma with dead ends and red herrings. Back then, he hadn’t cared too much. As long as they were coworkers and got along well enough, it hadn’t mattered to him. Then had come the scandals, fracturing their delicate camaraderie and workplace relationship. And now, as he sat and pondered the situation, he wondered if he could fix it. 

But Jaewon, among the many masks and lies and truths, has always been shy. So he needs to reach out first. They’d always needed to reach out first. 

He’d asked him to sing on his track, just as a guide, and he’d run away. That wasn’t enough detail, he supposed. He’d run away after all the blood left his face. 

Like he’d been terrified. 

But he decided against giving up.

“Jaewon. That song I showed you, do you mind singing on it?”

“I... I... um... you want me to?”

He was shy. Really shy. 

That was.... actually pretty adorable.

“Yeah,” he said. Like it was necessary.

They ended up staying in until midday, Jaewon running through the lines almost desperately. As if trying to make sure he didn’t make Dongho angry.

When they stepped out, he realized only then that it was raining. He didn’t want the poor guy to have to walk in the rain when he’d been helping him.

“Come back to mine. I’ll lend you something and we’ll wait out the rain,” he offered. Jaewon blinked in that surprised way he always did when they invited him, even now that they did on the daily.

“I... um, okay?”

The decision was the right thing to do. It didn’t mean he didn’t regret it when he ended up with an eyeful of Jaewon in his clothes.

Because what with the way they draped across his smaller form making his mouth go dry, that was not an image he’d forget so easily. Boba in his lap and eyes that looked so similar. 

It’s obvious that he’s attractive. He’s allowed to be hot and cute. And Dongho was allowed to feel attracted.

But what he’s not allowed to do is act on it. Even as he’s realizing that he’s suddenly curious what Jaewon was like in bed and has half a mind to track down an object of one of his scandals to ask. Because does he smile innocently and flip like a switch to the seductive side that Dongho knows he has? Does he fake being shy or go for it? Is he...

Stop.

Just stop. 

Attraction is attraction. That does not mean you can sleep with your coworkers. Because Jaewon clearly doesn’t do strings. Even if Jaewon had a perfectly dateble personality.

But that’s how they needed up like this, on his couch, Jaewon’s collarbones on full display and they’re reading his books.

Stop. 

Kang Dongho, you are not a teenager. Act your age and not your shoe size.

Honestly, this quiet togetherness was kind of nice too. Jaewon was calm and it’s a soothing environment when he’s there.

Jaewon coughed, catching his attention, his face was red and his hands clenching and unclenching as he looked incredibly flustered.

Peeking over at the novel, he realized which one Jaewon had picked. He knew it wasn’t an active choice but there was a particular scene that...

He looked away. 

A scene with graphic... um... between two guys...

Honestly it was more flustering because he was sitting with Jaewon while Jaewon read that scene while looking like-

He needs to whack himself so his brain would shut up. At least it wasn’t abject disgust.

But that was how Jaewon looked when he was flustered? 

He’d need to remember that. It was cute.

The rain had stopped, and there were messages in Jaewon’s phone from the CEO.

He nodded an acknowledgment as Jaewon retrieved his things to get to a meeting. Over some or another scandal, most likely. Or maybe over the sasaeng, probably born of said scandal. Something reminded him exactly why he shouldn’t sleep with Jaewon. 

Thanks for the reminder, universe. 

Jaewon was lucky that their CEO was so tolerant of the scandals, not even caring about most of them. He was likable, but Dongho knew their CEO would have to have been at his wits end of it was another situation. He wasn’t the most patient man. But he was fine with Jaewon’s scandals, normally letting him run free.

And for a second, he wondered why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaewon: Oh no! We’re locked in!  
> Dongho, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate


	8. MINSOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or: How to find an excuse to show off sleepy Jaewon AND have them wash e/o’s hair
> 
> I’m honestly not writing all that fast lol   
> I’ve just had these saved

It was a simple idea. Pick him up from the meeting Dongho had said Jaewon had.

He didn’t expect him to look the way he did.

Like someone had stuffed a vacuum down his throat and taken everything from within him.

Like he was dead inside.

But when he saw him, Jaewon’s eyes lit up. 

And he was not going to address what that did to his heart. He was more worried about Jaewon. Wasn’t his entire life changing on account of one sasaeng? He didn’t look quite so well, now that he was alone. 

Were those tears on his lashes?

But then he had to wonder if this was a change for the better, now that Jaewon wasn’t sleeping around or goofing off? Did it have to do with the secret Minsoo was now very aware of?

But still, to look like that, it was clear that it wasn’t good for him. 

And now that he saw Jaewon a little better, he had to wonder if Jaewon really was that type. But Jaewon’s an actor, a good one, and he doesn’t really know what he knows about Jaewon.

“I was bored and wanted to go on a walk with you. Coming?”

“Uh, sure,” Jaewon blinked at him.

But by the time they reached the center of the park, there was a little rain. 

That became a full-on flash flood.

“Sauna?” Jaewon was shivering in the rain, but he pointed ahead. Sure enough, there was one in the distance. Minsoo nodded.

“Sure. But you’re wa- washing my hair,” his voice shook with shivers. 

And Jaewon did.

“I’ve never washed someone’s hair before,” he mused as his fingers ran soothing circles over Minsoo’s scalp.

“That feels way too good for you to be telling the truth,” he groaned against his hands. Jaewon chuckled.

“Not like I’ve been doing it for myself for many, many, years.”

“Huh, Ahn Jaewon making jokes?” His comment was teasing. And it made it across.

“H-yung!” Jaewon let out a laughing whine. 

“I’m serious! Okay, it’s my turn,” he laughed as Jaewon finished rinsing. 

“You don’t have to,” Jaewon hazarded. Minsoo snorted.

“Really, I promise I won’t scream if the dye bleeds all over my hands.”

“...I did the first time,” Jaewon admitted. He choked on a laugh that came out too fast.

“Really?”

“It scared me! I went to the stylist noona and she said that I had to use colder water.”

“I just normally use a silver-tone color wash and keep it bleached,” Minsoo winced. “Cold showers suck.”

“I normally take a warm one and try to keep my hair dry and then change the water temperature. But sometimes if I’m just too tired I’ll shower all the way in cold water,” Jaewon sighed. “So you don’t have to be plunging your hands in cold water on my behalf.” Minsoo winced but continued.

“Yikes, and yes I do.”

“Yeah, well,” Jaewon trailed off.

Just to prove a point, he used icy cold water, and let out laugh when Jaewon stiffened as it hit his back.

“Ack!”

“Aren’t you used to this?” Minsoo teased. Jaewon pouted. 

“Not getting sneak attacks!”

It was nice, as they sat in the sauna, Jaewon’s head on his shoulder. 

“It’s nice to use a sauna,” Jaewon sighed. 

“Then I’ll pay for it,” Minsoo blurted. Why was that his reaction to Jaewon liking things? Embarrassing.

“What? No way!”

Oh? It was on.

“No, no. It’s my treat. I’m your hyung.”

“I- fine.”

What an easy win. Jaewon gave in so easily. It was almost worrying. 

Minsoo let out a deep breath, watching Jaewon’s hair move with it.

“Your hair’s really soft when you’ve just washed it,” he noted.

“Thanks,” Jaewon’s voice was soft as it fanned across his neck. This kind of casual sitting together. It was comfy. And entirely because Jaewon was barely able to stay awake. He spoke, just to fill the silence.

“You know, I always saw people stay overnight in saunas in dramas. I didn’t really ever expect to do it.”

“Yeah. I asked if I could stay somewhere else, maybe I should have asked them to let me sleep in a sauna.”

“Hah.” So that was why there had been that scandal. “Did they move you?”

“I said they did so people wouldn’t look for me there.” Jaewon’s tone was soft, but his eyes were weary. Right, this must be a pretty draining experience atop being absolutely terrifying. 

Change the subject!

“Ooh! You’re smart,” Minsoo praised. Jaewon still looked uncomfortable.

“I guess I’m just figuring people out.”

“Eh,” he answered eloquently.

“Let’s get out of here, staying in saunas too long is bad for you,” Jaewon said as he stood up and offered him a hand. Minsoo took it with a grin.

“I thought I was the health nut?”

Jaewon laughed as they headed to go sleep. Watching him like this, Minsoo didn’t want to be wary of Jaewon. 

And it wasn’t just because he was pretty. It was that they were bandmates and he was sick of being wary of his bandmates. Couldn’t they be like this without something in him flashing warning signs that it could very well all be fake? There was a secret, he didn’t know what it was but it was there and that was enough to send him tumbling down mental rabbit holes.

“Are you pretending with us, Ahn Jaewon?”

He hadn’t meant to say it aloud, and his heart dropped out of his stomach. 

Jaewon was mostly asleep already, but he opened his eyes with a lazy brush of his hand against Minsoo. A halfway-there smile was on his face. 

“I dun like pretending v’ry much. ‘M sick of pretendi’g. S’nice... not having to ‘prtnd wi-“ he yawns, eyes curling even further “-wit’chu guys.”

Pretending? About what? 

(He did feel a tension release when he said he wasn’t pretending, though. He wouldn’t lie about that.)

What did he have to pretend about? What secrets was he keeping? 

But it was relief and the soft sounds of Jaewon’s breath that lulled him to sleep before he could think too hard about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minsoo: I’d like to thank my arms for always staying by my side, my legs for always supporting me, my fingers because I can always count on them
> 
> Minsoo: And my hips, for never lying


	9. JAEWON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just me loving Jun and Nari friendship dynamic   
> With our regularly scheduled pain.

The members were still being weird.

Not unwelcome but still... weird.

Why were they suddenly coming to him, reaching out to him? For what purpose? Were they doing some sort of social experiment? Trying to flesh out a theory?

He woke up to Minsoo cuddling him. After they went to a sauna together.

Everything he’d said the night before, the teasing remarks while washing hair or in the sauna, all of it came back to him. 

Had hyung just been playing along? Because it looked more like he’d started it. 

And maybe that was a good thing.

But it was still off when Daehyun came up behind him while he was practicing rapping and started scratching his head and then just straight up playing with his hair.

Or when Dongho texted him updates about his song and called it theirs. Or anything with Dongho honestly, because since when did Dongho smile at him or seem so much less guarded? 

And he’s anxious, because why are they like this? What happened to make them like this?

Then it hit him: the sasaeng.

They were trying to keep an eye on him. For what? Making sure the sasaeng doesn’t expose that they’re not close? Making sure he doesn’t mess up and attract the sasaeng’s ire? Making sure he’s never alone so the sasaeng doesn’t have a chance to hurt him? 

Whatever it was, Jaewon would play along. 

Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could pretend that this was just them being friends, like he’d hoped for when he’d met them in that practice room so very long ago. Before their distance had been something other than Jaewon’s shyness. Before the scandals and the hate comments and the stages and the makeup and back when they were young and determined and all understood that their dreams were the same.

He knew they didn’t think that of him now.

But still, this was nice. And what was wrong with enjoying what was nice while it lasted? 

Even if the little voice in the back of his head reminded him that the timer was ticking, and there would be an end to all of it.

He headed over to The Coffee Temple. Where he at least knew what Jun had was real. 

“Hello!”

“Oh, it’s you.”

Yeah. That was Jun alright.

“JUN! Don’t be rude!”

And Nari noona!

“Hey. What’s up?” She leaned over the counter. He shrugged.

“Nothing. Just... life,” Jaewon laughed. She pursed her lips.

“Is it true?”

Huh?

“Um... what?”

“The whole-“ Nari waved a cup vaguely “-sasaeng situation?”

Seriously, she was so straightforward. Jaewon laughed awkwardly and Jun dropped a wet towel on her head.

“It’s rude to ask people about their stalkers, hag.”

“DONT CALL ME A HAG, YOU MINIMUM WAGE WORKER!” Nari shouted, the force of her head tilt sending the towel flying. Jaewon watched it sadly slide down the back of the display case. Jun huffed and yelled back. 

“I WOULDN’T BE MINIMUM WAGE IF YOU PAID ME MORE!”

“TALK TO ME POLITELY BEFORE YOU ASK FOR A RAISE!”

“WHO’S ASKING?!”

Jaewon had to hide a laugh but another worker outright started laughing. They turned to him and he waved them off.

“Don’t stop on my behalf. You know, you never said celebrities frequented this place.”

“Just him, really,” Jun replied with a thumb in Jaewon’s direction. Nari picked up the towel and smacked him with it.

“Don’t be rude!”

“What can I get you today?” The new hire smiled at him, completely ignoring the chaos around him.

“Hot americano, please,” Jaewon already held the money in hand so the new hire began counting it out. He didn’t even look up as he talked to Jaewon. 

“There’s a running bet on how long it’s going to take them to realize they’re a terrifying team.” Jaewon leaned over the counter as the hire began making his order.

“Oh? What’s your bet?”

“Somewhere between when pigs fly and never,” the new hire beamed as he rung up the order.


	10. DAEHYUN

Minsoo hyung dragged them all out to go to karaoke under the label of team bonding. Jaewon hyung didn’t really seem all too hooked on the idea but he still came. 

He watched him sing as Minsoo hyung cheered for him and dawned on him just how enamored he was.

Enamored, that’s a pretty word. 

He watched him. Jaewon hyung seemed so happy, even if he was just watching.

He’s learning more, he supposed. Jaewon hyung didn’t like being alone. So why was he so aloof?

It bothered him, if he’s being honest.

Did they do something? Because he didn’t think Jaewon hyung disliked them at all! 

Was he hiding something?

Daehyun leaned up against Minsoo hyung, who doesn’t protest as much as he used to whenever Daehyun found himself draped all over him.   


It’s not an unwelcome change, he mused, as he watched Minsoo hyung try to convince the rapper hyungs of the group to do a duet. 

Jaewon hyung went through the motions, looking shy. It was fair, he wasn’t a singer, despite having a voice that could pass for a sub-vocalist’s.   


It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen a comment or two online saying that Jaewon hyung was there for visuals alone, which probably had to do with his insecurity in his own abilities. Still, nobody could deny that Ahn Jaewon worked hard on his skills that he’d built from scratch. 

Daehyun wondered if any of the members saw themselves the way he did. They’d probably be a bit nicer to their own work.

He eyed him, and had to wonder exactly when it went from finding him attractive to something more like a schoolboy crush. It wasn’t like that with Minyoung, though he supposed a first crush that lasted into a long-held... thing... wasn’t a fair measuring stick. Just being friends now had kind of had him let go of something he’d held onto without trying. 

Though when it came to Jaewon hyung, everything went beyond what measured up. And as it was, things weren’t quite as typeset fact as he wished they could be.

Like the way people looked at Jaewon hyung.

There was nothing separating his humanity from theirs. So why was he treated so differently? Expect so much and leave him afraid to be what he actually is in the rawest sense?

Once hyung had stepped foot on that stage, was the fact that he had just as much a soul as anyone else rendered invalid?

Daehyun knew, that Jaewon hyung read the comments people posted about him. He knew that they’re not nice, and once upon a time he’d have skipped them, but nowadays hyung read them like gospel when nobody’s looking.

And Daehyun?

Daehyun barely understood it.

Though when it comes to Jaewon hyung, when was it ever more than barely understanding? 

He understood the innate desire to be better at their art, to please their fans better. To just be better. But with all the secrets and lies and the assumptions of Jaewon hyung’s callousness in the face of his kindness, Daehyun had to wonder if what people were saying were even fair assumptions to make. 

Because he wasn’t so sure the rumors held any truth anymore.

There was only so much one person can handle, and Daehyun was so scared to see it again. A rapid change, a fear of the mirror that shows echoes of the person you once were. He’s scared to see what happened to Minyoung when he was afraid to intervene, happen to Jaewon hyung because he didn’t intervene enough.

He’s just scared. Daehyun had no issues with being scared, just wished he’d act on it instead of musing and thinking and pondering from the sidelines.

Jaewon hyung looked at his phone, a text that from this vantage point, he could only tell was from the CEO. His face dropped, and the mood did too. It dawned on Daehyun in that moment, that Jaewon hyung was really, well and truly, hiding something. And it had more to do with their emotional distance than they really gave it credit for.

“I’m glad I’m living my dream with you guys,” Daehyun chimed suddenly. A weak attempt to break the silence. It worked a little.

Just not how he’d hoped it would.

“But dreams and reality will always be something different,” Jaewon hyung protested. “I’m glad that you’re my reality instead.”

Was it possible to be simultaneously head over heels and heartbroken?


	11. DONGHO

Dongho was pretty sure that Jaewon was a good person. 

It’s hard to be completely clear about that, but it’s also very clear how many people fall all over him and he’s oblivious. Then he recalled that ill-fated meeting with Marshmell-O, how uncomfortable he was when Minyoung practically smothered him. 

Make that mostly oblivious.

But was it him playing hard to get or just plain not wanting it and playing dumb to avoid saying no?

But what he knew was that any of the world’s population that got to know Jaewon just a bit would instantly adore him.

Dongho was trying not join that number.

And failing. Miserably.

And it was the little things. Like how Jaewon either waved his hands around when he was flustered or hid his blush in whatever he was wearing. Like how his voice went firm rarely but he’s always deadly serious when it does. Like how he could practically substitute caffeine for his blood.

It’s those things that remind him a little of how he feels about Boba.

Protective. Affectionate.

He was going to meet Jaewon by his hotel, but instead he found him torso-deep in a storm drain. 

Repressing the urge to laugh, he grabbed Jaewon’s shirt and pulled him out.

“Wha- oh. Hi.”

In his hands was a cat.

He’d gone in to save a cat.

A man after his own heart.

“Hi. Is that a cat?”

“Yes. I think he fell in.”

Jaewon was soaking wet, but too busy cooing over the fuzzy orange tabby kitten with a bright smile. Dongho coughed on a laugh.

And then he just chuckled. Because what kind of situation was this?

Taking the cat from his wet bandmate’s arms, he headed off towards his place, Jaewon following.

“Do you think he’ll get along with Boba?”

“Boba? It’s a tossup with that one,” Dongho laughed as the kitten rubbed against his chest for warmth. 

There were probably a few people who noticed them, but Jaewon seemed more concerned about cat facts and if they could be sure the kitten was okay. He paused. Take it slowly, Jaewon. 

“Hold on, how did you even find a kitten in a storm drain?”

“I heard it. He was crying, poor thing! Are you sure he’s okay?”

Dongho looked the kitten over, he was cold and probably very hungry, but unharmed.

“Yeah.” Jaewon looked up at him.

“So now what? Bathe him, feed him, and take him to a shelter?”

“I can bathe him, let’s get you in a shower first,” Dongho outright laughed. 

Jaewon stopped and looked down, finally remembering that he was soaked. He blushed, and Dongho realized that it was because his white shirt was clinging to the curves of body, almost transparently. 

“You shower, and I’ll feed him. Then we can bathe him,” he declared as they made their way up to his apartment. Jaewon blinked. 

“Are you sure?”

“Borrow some of my clothes,” Dongho added and pushed him into his bathroom. With a knock on the door, he added that he’d put the clothes outside. 

Once he heard the shower turn on, he looked at the fuzzy orange ball making his shirt wet.

“Well, hello there.”

He set out some food for the kitten that ate it so quickly that he almost took it away to make him slow down. 

He settled for gentle pats as reminders instead, since they seemed to work.

He looked again at the dirty spot on his shirt. How was it that a guy so willing to get dirty like that to save a kitten would be so heartless to a woman he liked? It was more likely that Jaewon got crushes that came and went easily, and didn’t really flirt with people correctly. Or gave people the wrong sort of messages and ended up in messier situations completely by accident. Like, did he think he needed to compensate with sex or something?

And then he wondered what he’d do if he was Jaewon’s crush.

And shut that thought right down.

As it was, Jaewon was, at his core, a warm-hearted guy. He just needed a hyung who’d protect him. And Dongho could do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dongho: wants to protect and be affectionate with Jaewon
> 
> Also Dongho: highkey attracted to Jaewon
> 
> Dongho: so I have decided that my role will be “hyung”
> 
> Me: that resolve will be disappearing 
> 
> Dongho:
> 
> Me: very quickly
> 
> Dongho: who are you and why are you in my house


	12. MINSOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jjolee put the CANVAS ver of MAYHEM reading thirst tweets on her story and I’m crying-
> 
> Not at how I always post another chapter when the comment number is equal to it eye-

They had all looked at him, confused, when he insisted that they needed to win. A little bit of unamused eye-rolling, for sure.

They just didn’t get it. But Jaewon?

He wasn’t sure what changed, but he managed to get him to come to the gym with him. Turning his turn on watch duty into gym visits. As long as he invited him to come with, Jaewon would come. He didn’t even seem to like the gym all that much, but they had their fun. Their managers, at least, seemed pleased by their physical improvements.

Their choreographer seemed happy to know that Minsoo and Jaewon also spent a lot more time drilling their dances and dance drills (What? They were good for strength, agility, and flexibility!). At the very least, if two of them could win, that would be a success. So he focused a lot of energy on making sure they did well when it game to their strength. He’d even instead on practice wrestling. He’d pleaded with Jaewon, and had been lucky enough to have him say yes. It was a rhythm they fell into.

Their rhythm lasted four days before the others sat them down and asked what on earth had brought them to be gym buddies and Jaewon is he holding you hostage or blackmailing you-

Jaewon just shrugged. 

“It makes hyung happy, and he invited me. I like spending time with you guys.”

Their eyes turned to him, questioning.

His own eyes found themselves on Jaewon.

_ “I wonder, sometimes, if the price we pay to keep our secrets is really worth the cost.” _

This one? This one was not. 

So he told them.

About his brother and the stolen song and the one thing he had been good at and a dream plucked from his fingertips.

About never being good enough or smart enough or talented enough and wanting to tell the world that he can be. That he was.

About trust and rage and inferiority and wanting not only to beat him because they’re brothers, but to do well for himself.

Daehyun and Jaewon wrapped him in a hug.

“Thanks for telling us,” Daehyun says, and he can feel Jaewon’s nod of agreement. 

Dongho took him by the hand and pulled him to his feet instead.

“What are you doing?!”

“Gym. Let’s go.”

And in that moment, they settled into a strange and newfound comfort as four. Daehyun ran a treadmill at top speed and Dongho explained how to lift weights optimally to them. It brought him back to their trainee days, when they worked together, not always talking, but always towards the same goal.

In the lull of the moment, he mused.

“Do you think that we can convince the company to take us to dinner if we win?”

Daehyun responded by upping the speed of the treadmill with a loud set of beeps.

A cough, and then a giggle. And then a chuckle.

And then Jaewon was full-out laughing. Dongho looked over at Daehyun and laughed himself. Minsoo couldn’t help it, because soon enough he was laughing with them.

And in that moment, Jaewon looked so free and weightless in the ways Minsoo only really saw when it’s just him and the members. And Minsoo knew that it’s not an always with them either.

But all of them like this was pretty nice, too.


	13. JAEWON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had way too much fun with this one and it’s an angst chapter.
> 
> You can thank /a very certain user/ for corrupting me

There were no updates. The Wyld’sWorld account had posted more ominous things, but nothing he’d seen before they were taken down. 

“How’s the sasaeng thing going?” He asked in lieu of greeting. The CEO only used them as a power tactic. And for the first time, Jaewon was working with him. They were equals in this.

And that made rocks absolutely sink in his stomach. 

“Oh, it’s alright. But it’s not catching as much attention as I want.”

The mild tone was telling enough at this point. Beware: volatile.  


Make a suggestion! 

“Have we blown up the search?”

The CEO looked up, interest piqued.

Jaewon could practically hear Minsoo’s video game music.

**WYLD USED EVIL IDEA**

**IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!**

“What?”

“If we manage to phrase it right, make it look right, we can start a manhunt. That’ll keep MAYHEM on everyone’s mind,” he replied with a casualness he didn’t feel. He felt like hopping in a shower and scrubbing his skin raw until he felt like the slime was off. What was he _doing_? 

“I see, I’ll look into that, but you seem to have another idea,” the CEO prodded. 

“A dorm,” Jaewon added.

“I told you that you guys should wait,” he looked unamused. This felt like a very difficult exercise in taming dragons.

“Not an actual dorm. Just start talking about one. You know, generate the fan buzz and bait them with it, then bring out the fact that it’s because one of the members can go home and feels very unsafe. Maybe even falsify some creepy letters and photos. They hate me, but the kpop community hates sasaengs even more.”

They gave kpop fans a bad name after all. The fans wouldn’t want their boys to have to move in with him anyway, so they’d hunt the fan down better than the company.

“A dorm is a good idea. We might get one right after we get the sasaeng in jail. It’ll be good press for the others,” the CEO agreed.

For the others. All his press needed to be bad press. He looked over at the CEO.

“So what now?”

“Stoke some flames,” he replied easily. Jaewon was acting for his own gain. He could pretend a little more. ~~He felt sick to his stomach.~~

_One decision_ , he’d said, it had been a month. Who was he fooling?

“In what way, sir? Getting seen in public looking distressed? Social media?”

“Twitter. That’s the best thing. Maybe Instagram.”

He could do this. Stick it out a little longer. 

“Alright.”

“Dismissed.”

As he stepped into the hall, instead of the guilt he felt in that room, he felt anxious. Hackles raised, hair on end, a million other idioms for anxious feeling very real.    
  


_ There was someone watching him. _

“Hey, Jaewon.” 

He nearly jumped ten feet out of his skin before he realized it was just Dongho.

Jaewon followed him down the hall.

The feeling didn’t go away.


	14. DAEHYUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, plotting the story, channeling my inner Rie: MAKE IT SHIPPY
> 
> Actually me, writing: How can I make this look as friendly as possible with no romantic over-or-undertones?

Daehyun was bored. Capital-B. Out of his mind bored.

“Daehyun? Why are you flopped over the couch like the anchovy you are?” Huh. That was Minsoo hyung.

“I’m bored!” He was not above admitting that it came out as a whine.

Minsoo hyung sighed and rested his head against Daehyun’s stomach. They sat in silence for a little while. 

“Jaewon’s hiding something,” he liked that he could rely on Minsoo hyung to break a silence when he didn’t feel like he could.

“I know,” was all he could say. 

“I don’t like it. I’m scared to ask,” Minsoo hyung added.

“Me too,” he agreed.

“Hey, lets play a game,” Minsoo hyung offered. He raised an eyebrow. There were no consoles available in the break room. Or board games.

“Like what?”

“I dunno, pick one,” Minsoo hyung shrugged. 

“Um... twenty questions?” Daehyun peeked over at Minsoo hyung. He just asked his first question.

“Is it alive?”

“Let me think of something first!” Daehyun laughed. “Um... yes.”

“Can you eat it?”

What?!

“I- I said it’s alive!” Minsoo hyung laughed softly.

“But can you you eat it?”

“You can eat anything if you’re not a pansy about it,” Daehyun huffed. Minsoo hyung gasped.

“Is my bandmate a cannibal?!”

Daehyun couldn’t sit up with Minsoo hyung’s head on his stomach, so he turned and glared.

“What?! No!”

“Relax. I’m kidding. Skip it. Is it a plant?”

“Huh. Lee Minsoo telling me to relax. Never thought I’d see the day,” Daehyun didn’t feel like skipping it. 

“Is it?”

“Yeah,” he said. Minsoo hyung didn’t let up.

“Is it a flower?”

“Nope!” It could have been, though.

“Is it a specific plant?”

“Yeah,” he smirked as Minsoo hyung groaned.

There was no way he wou-

“It’s that cactus that a fan gave you and the driver took away isn’t it.”

“Wait, what the heck how did you know?!”

Minsoo hyung went scarlet, bolting upright. 

“It’s not like I don’t pay attention to you guys.”

“I never said that,” Daehyun insisted. Minsoo hyung chuckled.

“Yeah, I did,” he said. 

Oh. Daehyun understood.

“Not knowing about Jaewon hyung is hurting you, isn’t it?”

“It’s not my place to be hurt by it,” Minsoo hyung stared off at something that wasn’t really there.

“You’re the leader. I know you take it seriously,” Daehyun got off the couch to sit next to him. “Listen, hyung, you’re not a bad person. Because you know what you’re trying to do? You’re trying to make things right.”

“I guess,” Minsoo hyung sighed. 

“I really wish you guys weren’t so trapped in your own heads sometimes,” Daehyun grumbled. “If you guys saw yourselves the way I saw you, maybe you’d be nicer to yourselves.” 

“Aww, does the maknae have compliments for his hyungs,” Minsoo hyung was teasing, reaching over to hoop Daehyun’s nose. Daehyun debated saying nothing just for that, but Minsoo hyung needed someone to tell him that he didn’t suck. He needed support, and Daehyun could be the one to give it to him.

“Actually, yeah. You’re driven, and you’re always brave enough to speak up for us. You’re devoted, and try for two wins to balance each loss. You always want to fix things, and you’re our leader. You don’t need to be good at everything because nobody wants some perfect person as a leader.”

“Really?”

His mind drifted back to his friendgroup from school. The only person he’d want to keep talking to was Minyoung. The rest could go their whole lives without seeing him and Daehyun wouldn’t bat an eye.

“Hah! Perfect people wash up once people realize how boring they are. They’re nothing without what they’re good at, it’s the real people who are successful. ‘Cause they have the drive and the soul and all that.”

Minsoo hyung out his head on his shoulder. They werepretty good heights for that, now that he noticed.

“Yah, Kim Daehyun, since when were you so wise?”

“Hyung!”

“I’m serious. You’re a kind soul, Daehyun-ah.”

“Thanks.”

He didn’t really know what else to say, so they sat there for a long time. But when they got up to leave, Minsoo hyung seemed like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, just a little.


	15. DONGHO

Jaewon looked uncomfortable, eyes darting to him every so often. 

Was it their sudden closeness that was bothering him?

It was a little out of their ordinary, and Jaewon was already dealing with the stress of a sasaeng, and now they were a threat to whatever he was keeping a secret. He’d seen his story, when he’d asked the person following him to please not. 

And that secret that hung like a guillotine blade. He wished it was as simple as a secret society or magic or something to grow accustomed to.

Where was his mind even going?

Jaewon looked at him, eyes limpid in ways that reminded him of Boba. 

“Why did you pick me up, do we have training?”

Jaewon still didn’t seem to believe that they wanted to spend time with him. He probably figured that Jaewon thought they were just making sure he didn’t do anything wrong. It was a weird sort of balance, that they must hold in Jaewon’s mind. Caring nothing about him and them swooping in time to make sure he doesn’t die. That kind of self-depreciation was probably dangerous. But it would also be a lie to say that it didn’t hurt, because whether Jaewon realized it or not, he was thinking so lowly of them. They like him.

“No. I just want to spend time with you.”

It appeared to be the wrong thing to say, because his eyes welled with tears.

And that was how Dongho found himself holding onto a crying Jaewon. In a stupid attempt to calm him down, he touched his forehead to Jaewon’s.

“It’s okay, Jaewon,” he murmured. Jaewon smelled like the pine shampoo that Dongho knew he used and coffee. 

“It’s not,” the younger member sobbed. 

He held him as the tears run out and Jaewon fell asleep in his arms, eyes puffy but face so much more peaceful. And beautiful. 

His eyes traced  where tears had painted Jaewon’s skin. Why? What exactly pushed Jaewon to this? Stress? 

He knew that Minsoo and Daehyun probably thought he was hiding something. But Jaewon just... fell apart like that. Why? The company has told the public just as much information as them. And by that he means they only know from what the company has been telling the public. There’s pictures within pictures and he’s only seeing pieces of it. 

Their theory was starting to sound a little less inane. 

He brushed a stray lock of hair out of Jaewon’s face.

He shouldn’t not be as comfortable holding Jaewon in his arms as he is. But he was. The rec room was quiet, just them inside.

There’s the white noise of a fan and Jaewon’s steady breathing through lips that it looks like he bites too much. 

He’s been staring at his lips.

And he really wants to kiss them.

He  _ doesn’t _ do that, consent is important. 

_ And _ he’s not supposed to go kissing his bandmates.

No matter how much he likes them. 

Because, yeah, brotherly feelings and all that aside, Jaewon was really attractive.

But burdening him with this would be cruel. Kang Dongho was many things but cruel was not on that list. It would be taking advantage to become close like that to Jaewon who was handling a sasaeng and a lifestyle of continuous monitoring.

Not to mention, Jaewon seemed pretty straight, considering his conquest list appeared to be entirely female. But who can say?

Dongho didn’t know which answer would be better for him.


	16. MINSOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun’s shot at SA1NT was entirely based on Jae of Day6 calling him a good Christian child.
> 
> Honestly I did not have time or patience for internalized homophobia/biphobia/panphobia thanks.

They were in the gym locker room, sweaty and messy, when Minsoo looked up at the ceiling.

“Fuck secrets, I’m coming out.”

They all turned to him, confused.

“What?”

“I’m coming out to you guys. I’m gay.”

He was terrified. But not enough to stop him. He’d left the betrayed kid who could be scared behind a long time ago. Even then, Jaewon was right. Keeping secrets like these with the people who mattered to him was the most suffocating thing about the life he currently led. And when the truths came out, it was like dropping weights from his neck and taking in all the air he wasn’t able to before.

Daehyun beamed.

Please don’t be the supportive friend who tries to make a  _ cake _ -

“Oh, we get to do that then? I’m pan!”

What?

“You’re into pans? Please stay out of the kitchen when we get a dorm,” his response came off the tip of his tongue. It was instinctual. Bad joke reflex.

But there was relief, he knew, in his voice.

They would be okay.

“Original,” Daehyun glared with no heat. Then turned to the eldest member, beside him. He looked confused. He knew things were messy but of all people he’d hoped Dongho would understand. They’d been teammates for such a long time- 

“Dongho hyung? What’s with that look?” Daehyun seemed just as anxious as he felt. But Dongho simply shrugged.

“I’m surprised is all. I’m bi. What are the odds?”

Minsoo supposed that was true. It did seem a little improbable.

“Oh,” Jaewon suddenly let out. He looked at the other members. They were watching him, waiting for a reaction. Bracing for a negative reply.

“I’m... surprised you guys knew but if it’s my turn, I’ll just say it. I’m bi also.”

My turn? Jaewon, cutie, that’s not how it works.

“Huh? No, we didn’t. But I’m still proud of you!” Daehyun blinked and Dongho chuckled. Jaewon smiled weakly.

Why was his heart beating faster? Jaewon was a beautiful human being but that wasn’t it-

Oh.

Oh he was such an idiot.

He’s one hundred percent attracted to Jaewon. 

It wasn’t really something he hadn’t known. He’d just never thought too hard about it before then. Yeah, he finds him hot.

“I’d love to turn this into something deep and meaningful, but I’m sweaty mess! So let’s go hit the showers and leave.” Dongho clapped his hands together.

“Thanks, you guys,” Minsoo smiles at them. Jaewon looked confused.

“For what?”

“You guys have been working so hard for this competition because I asked you to. And you’re all so accepting and supportive-“

“Hyung,” Daehyun cut him off. “You’re one of us. There’s no way we wouldn’t come to your defense like that. Let’s kick those Vatican-copyright-infringers’ butts!”

“That’s a new way to refer to SA1NT, but not an unwelcome one,” he laughed. Dongho grinned. 

“Eh, lets make up a bunch of them. Tell me, how’s your aim?”

What was he playing at?

“I play so many shooting games it’s not even funny?”

“Archery! Crush your brother underfoot with the one thing he never could beat you in!” Daehyun chimed, and the others nodded in agreement. 

“Arcade, then?”

“Let’s go!” Daehyun cheered, wrapping a sweaty arm around him.

“Ew! You’re still all sweaty!”

They did end up at the arcade. He watched Daehyun and Jaewon try the photobooth. Jaewon looked at the pictures like he’d chosen his next family heirlooms. Meanwhile, Dongho took him to every aim based shooting gun or archery console he could find.

There were going to be a lot new plushies in Jaewon’s apartment once this all ended. Or maybe, in a dorm. A shared one.

He’d heard rumors of the company looking into dorms for them. A lot of fans had asked him about it on Twitter.

He was pretty sure it was supposed to be a surprise, though. They hadn’t really told them about it.

Though, did they ever?


	17. JAEWON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha...  
> i_was_human’s fic week is coming up and I’ve literally been drinking extra water to pre-compensate for my tears.  
> I’m not ready.

“I’m going busking, then to a cafe. Coming with?” Daehyun popped his head in the door in the weird way the members did when they wanted him for something or another.

Jaewon wanted to laugh. Like he’d ever turn them down without a reason?

“Sure!”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever come with me,” Daehyun mused as they headed down the Seoul streets. Jaewon stopped short.

“I’m the first?”

“Yeah!” Daehyun didn’t even pause.

Daehyun was letting him be the first person to come with him? Was he making a big deal out of something that didn’t matter? But then why did he say as much?

“Wow, I- I’m touched.”

“Hah, you’re cool like that, hyung,” Daehyun smiled and looked down to him. 

“What?”

“You’re just so happy to be with us. You’re unreal,” the younger clarified with a soft smile. Jaewon laughed awkwardly. 

He stood in support as Daehyun played his guitar and sang for an enthralled crowd. It was just... wow. He was their main vocal for a reason.

Sometimes he felt so woefully inadequate beside them. Minsoo and his dance, Dongho and his music, Daehyun and his voice. It wasn’t really like he didn’t know he held exactly two purposes in the group. A pretty face and a scandal maker. Maybe a voice for contrast or an evening number at best. He resolved to work harder. Daehyun was wrapping up, and his fans all smiled and cheered for him. 

“Thanks guys! Please come support us at the Idol Sports Competition soon!”

The crowd cheered and Daehyun began to pack up.

Jaewon picked up his bags and Daehyun had his guitar in one hand. The crowds were thick as they turned to go.

Daehyun grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to his chest. He smelled clean, like soap and dryer sheets. 

It was nice.

“You’re really good at that,” he complimented. That seemed like the right thing to do. Daehyun beamed. So, okay, not a total screw up.

“Thanks. You could sing with me sometime. Your covers are great!”

Oh, those. He did them mainly for Mayniacs. 

“I didn’t know you saw those,” he admitted. Daehyun bumped their shoulders with a smile.

“Of course I do! I love them!”

“Wow... thanks,” he blinked. When was the last time he’d been complimented on his musical or dance abilities? 

Daehyun grabbed his hand again. 

“Come on! I’ll even get you a coffee!”

“I can pay for myself,” he insisted. But Daehyun shook his head.

“Let me! I want to treat you!”

He couldn’t fight Daehyun.   


And that was how he ended up with a guilty conscience and a really pretty cup of coffee in front of him.

“The crowd was so positive,“ he took a sip of the coffee with a contented sigh. This was good coffee too.

“I’m really grateful to them,” Daehyun smiled. He smiled as he talked. A bright light kind of person. Jaewon knew that, but he always appreciated it when he saw it.

“I am too.” The fans who’d supported him with all the lies and scandals and tabloids and insults. He knew there was serious discourse in the fandom over his presence in the group. Not good enough, good-looking enough, a waste of a position and terrible person to boot.

And they supported him through all of that being  _ true _ . 

Their discussion turned aimless as time ticked by. Then they just started people watching and making up stories for what they’re doing or talking about.

A couple approached a table, a specific order already set, flowers on the seat. The woman, a wife by the ring on her finger, threw her arms around her husband and kissed him on the cheek. The lady behind the counter smiled really widely at the sight. He walked up to her.

“Miss, what’s going on?”

“He proposed to her in here, three years ago,” she said. “They’re recreating a special moment.”   


Jaewon smiled softly. 

“I’d love to do that.” 

And he wasn’t lying, either.

To relive the little things before the world started burning and everyone began to play with gasoline. To have those simple details that were etched so permanently in his mind filled with new ones, new joys, new memories just as fond as the reasons they were recreating them.

Daehyun looked at him.

“Recreating a special moment?”

“Yeah.”

Maybe they’d recreate that one night before debut. When they all stayed out late and stared at the sky just for the sake of it. He doubted they remembered it, but the photos were still on his wall, a tiny shining fragment of what could have been from the start. And what now was turning into. 

Except it wasn’t.   
  
Jaewon was lying and manipulating people to get his way. The people around him flipped back in time, the world was unchanged, but he’d become so twisted. Everyone saw him as the terrible person he was starting to become, before he’d even become it. Here he was, Jaewon supposed.

He laughed a little.

They wouldn’t remember that night. And they definitely wouldn’t try to recreate it.

Of course not. Nobody was going to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway here’s a makane coffee date because I said so.
> 
> “The world started burning and everyone began to play with gasoline” might just be the most metal thing I’ve ever written lmao. “The people around him flipped back in time, the world was unchanged, but he’d become so twisted” is a strong contender though.


	18. DAEHYUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Jaewon, guess what?

“He said a special moment. So let’s get a car and drive out where there’s stars again! I remember hyung had a lot of fun with us that night,” Daehyun explained to Minsoo hyung. He’d returned from his not-a-date-thank-you-very-much with Jaewon hyung, and that was the first thing he wanted to do. But if he got Minsoo hyung on his side, he’d be able to drag his idea into reality for certain.

“You’re sure he’d like this?” Minsoo hyung was scrolling through a map.

“Yeah, pretty positive,” Daehyun nodded. Minsoo hyung beamed at him.

“Okay! Do you think he remembers that night?”

“I think so. I don’t really think he’s the kind of person who’d forget,” Daehyun insisted. Minsoo said nothing to that.

“I’ll get supplies, you’re talking Dongho into driving.”

Oh, right. Dongho hyung. It wasn’t that he led forgotten about him, just didn’t really know how to include him.

“I genuinely forgot he had a license,” was what Daehyun said instead. Minsoo hyung snorted.

“How did you think we’d get there? By bus?”

“Yes?”

“You’re ridiculous-“ Minsoo hyung laughed and ruffled his hair, which he was only able to do with them seated “-but you’re cute so you get away with it. I’ll go to a convenience store.”

And with that, he bounded out the door, nearly crashing into the entering Dongho hyung.

He braced himself for rejection.

“Hyung! I need your help! Pleassse please please?”

“You sound like you think I’m going to say no,” Dongho hyung raised a dark eyebrow. “What is it?”

That stopped him short.

“You’re not?”

“Daehyunah, probably not,” Dongho hyung said, a tinge of a smile in his voice. Okay, he could do this!

“Uh... well... we were thinking of recreating a moment, and we thought of that time we went stargazing!”

“I’m still not sure what you need my help for,” Dongho hyung prompted. Taking a deep breath, he asked him.

“Can you come with us? And drive because I don’t think any of us have licenses?”

Here it comes, he’s gonna say no-

“Gladly, Daehyunah,” Dongho hyung ruffled his hair. But he was shorter! He shouldn’t get to do that! 

“Okay! Thanks hyung!”

It was a stupid impulse, but he hugged Dongho hyung really quickly and ran out of the room.

Hyung didn’t mention the hug when Minsoo hyung, laden with plastic bags, led a blindfolded Jaewon hyung to the car that Dongho hyung had rented for the night. So he tried not to think too hard about it. 

Jaewon hyung was so excited, smiling at the stars and looking up constellation stories on his phone, getting help from Dongho hyung to find the ones in the sky. 

Daehyun was so endeared.

And it was because of a stupid, surface-level crush. 

Then Jaewon hyung turned and smiled at him.

“Thank you, Daehyun.”

And he realized that he wanted to cause that smile, to take him on dates and hold his hands and it was not a schoolboy crush anymore. He really did like him that way.

He closed the door on that thought.

They couldn’t date. 

It wasn’t that either of them were straight (Jaewon hyung being bi was a bit of a surprise, but that he thought they’d figured him out was incredibly funny when it happened). It wasn’t even that he was afraid of Jaewon hyung cheating on him, hyung would cry. It was that they were coworkers. Daehyun felt so unprofessional for that.

And he wasn’t sure how to feel about falling so fast. But he’d never felt this way about anybody. Not any crushes. Not even Minyoung, whatever they had.

But instead, he just let Jaewon hyung throw an arm around him and point out the brightest stars and the planets. It was so natural, and it felt so perfect. 

Yeah, he totally had a more than crush on his hyung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL  
> I had the weirdest freaking recurring dream/nightmare ALL WEEK where I was fresh out of college and living my best life as a successful software dev and as a joke I was voted in as president via write ins.   
> So I, over a decade too young to legally run, was legally president of the country because there was sort of assassination attempt that took the president, the vp, and the designated survivor. I made a fuckin deal with the government that I would run the country as an acting president for a year and and half so they could get campaigns and have another election. And I worked super closely with the cabinet and I had to keep asking if I could legally do that.  
> They liked me tho.  
> But I did a bunch of reforms and treated my country right and the USA was doing gr9.  
> And they all loved me and it was a very peaceful very good trajectory. Like,,, I said that I wanted a state-by-state cap on medicine and college prices/refused to give grants to schools that cost over 40K a year. And ppl loved me for it uwu. Or when a bunch of people pulled down a statue of a Very Bad person and I pardoned them by calling them my emotional support criminals.  
> But then the election came and they all FUCKIN VOTED ME BACK INTO THE WHITE HOUSE  
> Like,,, civvies u had one job,,,  
> And then there were debate on Twitter if I was a manifestation of Barbie vs a manifestation of y/n   
> My dreams are wild


	19. DONGHO

Kang Dongho was not an idiot.

He really did try to have whatever internal understanding he needed. Especially as a songwriter. But also just as an adult.

So as he sat, watching Jaewon and Daehyun laughing and pointing out dots of bright light in the sky, he let his eyes fall on Jaewon. 

What exactly was it about this particular attraction and affection that made him feel quite this way? This adoration?

It’s a feeling that inspires poetry and love songs with sappy lyrics that belong to pastel groups alone.

And then the last thought made him pause.

Love songs.  _Love songs?_

Dongho shouldn’t. Jaewon was still his coworker. He was somebody who Dongho had decided to be a hyung to. That wouldn’t be fair.

And above all else, they still didn’t know what Jaewon was hiding. 

“Are you okay? You look like you’re spacing out,” Jaewon looked over to him, pretty kitten eyes concerned. Dongho wanted to run his hands in Jaewon’s hair. Was it as soft as it looked? 

“I’m fine, we should just be headed back soon. It’s late,” he replied. It was a weak reply, but Jaewon and the others didn’t seem to notice. Minsoo was staring up at the stars, eyes glazed, and Daehyun was only watching Jaewon. 

“I see,” Jaewon looked a little sad. Dongho didn’t like that.

“You guys can stay at mine. I have the space,” Dongho offered one a weak attempt to bring back the smile that had lit up Jaewon’s face the whole night. It succeeded.

“Really? Thank you!”

And Jaewon beamed his bright smile at him.

His heart skipped a beat. 

It wasn’t a feeling he was intimately familiar with, but he knew it enough. And he had a feeling he’d be getting to know it well.

That secret. He wondered now if it was worth it. Worth any of this. This distance and silent barrier that still kept them apart no matter how close they got. Maybe it isn’t, maybe he could see around it, and trust Jaewon.

Maybe he-

Stop.

They’re coworkers and idols. He reminded himself that for the hundredth time. It was weaker, still. 

Because maybe those things didn’t stop his feelings as much as they should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i_was_human has begun.  
> It is coming.  
> I’m scared for my tear ducts.


	20. MINSOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was working on some waaaaay down the line chapters and [redacted] are... so. Fucking. [redacted for spoilers :)]  
> I can’t wait.

Okay! Okay!

The games were in a week and they had a fighting chance! Dongho was scarily good once he gets started and Minsoo knew he would probably win. As for him and Jaewon? Well they were certainly fitter, and stronger. Daehyun was becoming much faster, to the point where chasing him for making fun of his height was starting to wear him out.

Which he could be upset about later, it’s a sacrifice in the name of progress.

And by progress he means victory. 

“What? Oh, that’s not my phone,” Dongho’s voice caught his ear. He headed over as Daehyun replied.

“Who’s phone is it?”

Well it wasn’t his so...

“I think it’s Jaewon’s. Hey, are we his background?” 

Daehyun cooed.

“That’s so cute!”

“He has a lot of twitter notifications. What’s that about?” Daehyun held up the phone.

He knew that all of them were curious. About Jaewon. And the secret. And why he was so kind when everything they see about him claimed the opposite. And if they went hand in hand. 

“They’re probably mentions, we get them too,” Dongho replied as Daehyun opened the bird app. And froze.

“There... what are these?”

Dongho leaned over, eyes widening in disbelief. Minsoo couldn’t see.

“What?”

“These are hate comments. And a lot of them,” Daehyun’s voice was trembling. With tears or rage, Minsoo couldn’t tell. “People don’t even know hyung all that well, what on earth...?”

“Knowing someone well or not knowing someone won’t stop some people from insulting. People bandwagon hate, all the time.” Dongho grit out. His grip on the table white-knuckled. 

He was angry. Minsoo didn’t want to make things worse, but he needed to know.

“What kinda of things are they saying?”

“‘I feel bad for your family, having a son like that,’ and ‘Maybe this sasaeng will do us all a favor and kill him lol,’” Daehyun read. 

Was it disbelief or rage burning his limbs numb?

“What?”

“‘He’d make a great pornstar, he’s slutty enough for it anyway.’ And this one says, ‘he’s beyond an attention seeker.’ And these are the ones with giant like counts.”

“What. The. Fuck.”

How dare they? How dare they insult and hurt someone who’s never looked them in the eye and held a conversation? How dare they say that kind of stuff about Jaewon?

“I’m going to kill them all,” he growled.

“Stop,” Dongho replied. “You can’t kill them.”

“No. Jaewon has to see this all the time! And know that some of those faces are in the crowds when we perform and cheering for the rest of us!”

“He’s strong,” Daehyun murmured. “A lot stronger than I think we ever gave him credit for. I mean, I knew he read comments and they weren’t always nice, but I’ve realized how  _ mean _ people are to him.”

And that conversation stuck with him, making him angry at random parts of the day. He nearly snapped a pair of Dongho’s chopsticks at one point. 

It was at one such point in the day, when Dongho was at his studio and Daehyun was with his mom. It was just them. 

He looked at Jaewon, stretched out with a book and the glasses he wore whenever he reads.

He was cute. Stupidly cute. Soft skin and plush lips and a boopable nose. Long fluttering lashes and shiny eyes. And then he’s hot, broad shoulders and drooping eyelids, muscles that he stupidly helped to build and was now stuck drooling over, long fingers and and an angular jaw. When his eyes curl and his lips part slightly, it’s a toss up of wanting to pin him to a wall or wanting him to pin you.

And he knew that. 

But was that really the only reason he was so protective? Why his heart did little funny things in his chest when Jaewon smiled? 

It wasn’t and he knew that. It was also owed to Jaewon’s personality. A kind and soft sort of sweetheart who smiles and is always happy to just be there. And yet so strong in all the quiet ways that nobody dared consider.

And Minsoo knew that Jaewon was hiding something should make him feel less inclined towards the rapper but it didn’t. 

Because... well...

Because...

Minsoo looked at Jaewon’s sleeping form.

“Well, fuck.”


	21. JAEWON

They were at an interview. A variety show, really. The aim was to generate buzz before their appearances at the sports competition. The CEO had looked at him and told him to look a little weary for the shoot.

So basically it was actually about the sasaeng and experimenting with media buzz.

The hosts had already commented that they looked like they’d been working out, saying nothing towards his wearier-than-usual expression.

But the other members seemed weirder than their newly-normal brand of strange, so maybe that was what threw the hosts off. Were they covering for him? If so, why?

He was jolted from his thoughts by the hosts.

“A trust fall challenge? Who should do it?”

“I know! Wyld-ssi should catch Minsoo-ssi!”

Of course they called on him. Wyld was the well known one, him doing things was the easiest way to garner any attention at all. But them excluding him would do the same, really. MAYHEM was a very valuable thing for ratings. They looked at him encouragingly. Jaewon shook his head.

“I know hyung doesn’t like to relinquish control ove-“

“Relinquish is fancy word for lose!” Minsoo yelled. The hosts gave him mischievous grins.

“Would you let Minsoo-ssi catch you, Wyld-ssi?”

“I’d subject nobody to holding me, I’m heavy.”

Minsoo looked a little offended but the host kept trying.

“D.Min-ssi! Would you step up to the plate!”

Their eldest member looked a little surprised as a host patted his shoulders.

“This is a strong man, think he can catch you?”

Jaewon had no way to negate that. 

So he let Dongho catch him, forcing his knees to stiffen. His hyung had a quick but steady heartbeat, and he smelled like sandalwood, and maybe a bit of ginger. He opened his eyes to see Dongho watching him carefully.

“Whoa, he just leapt forward to catch you! Wahh, Wyld-ssi! Your hyungs must really like you!”

He blushed so hard it was probably visible through all the makeup. 

That must be why his hyung had such a quick heartbeat, because the situation was so awkward. 

“How are you doing?” Jaewon looked between their awkward tangle of arms and asked Dongho, in aims of dispelling tension.

“I’ve met some of the most insufferable people,” Dongho said as he stared at a host, making Minsoo and Daehyun choke.

“But hey, they also met me.”

Jaewon really shouldn’t laugh. 

He giggled anyway.

“Hy-hyung,” Daehyun gasped, shaking Minsoo’s arm. “You heard that right?”

“Oh my goodness he’s actually that cute,” Minsoo’s whine came with it.

Dongho? Cute?

If the shoe fits, Jaewon supposed.

Though he did just call the hosts insufferable and the simultaneous exaggerated despair of the hosts versus the cooing of the members did make a fun visual play.

“Yah! You know what?! Wyld-ssi looks like more fun!”

He gaped at them.

“M-me?”

“Yeah! Which is fun because you can use your flirty skills in a pepero challenge!” A host decided, hands on his hips like a superhero. 

“Wh- what?!”

“Daehyun-ssi! Will you do us the honor?”

That was how they ended up with a chocolate almond stick linking their faces.

Daehyun looked very uncomfortable. But the cookie was nice. 

He took a bite forward, chocolate tip for the win! It was tasty. 

Daehyun’s bite was more of a nibble. He raised a questioning brow.

Was he okay?

Daehyun blushed in response. Shrugging, he took another piece. He hadn’t had one of these in years. He’d almost forgotten how good they were.

He smiled, knowing he probably looked at least a little dumb.

Daehyun turned away, covering his face.

“I can’t do it!”

What had he done? He caught the makane’s wrist.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“N-no!”

He looked in closer. Daehyun was so red that it was peeking through the makeup. He placed a hand on his forehead.

“You’re warm, are you okay?”

“Just fine!” Daehyun squeaked, you know, like a liar.

“Break it up! Break it up! What kinda drama is this!” Both of the hosts laughed. 

“Is Daehyunah a good female lead?” Minsoo teased from the sideline. A host gave him a thumbs-up.

“The best!”

“That’s it! Hyung, we’re trying again,” Daehyun huffed. Jaewon looked around, confused.

“Um... okay?”

Daehyun took normal sized bites this time, but his clenched hand was hidden from the camera. He must have been uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he let Daehyun have the last bit before they made them do a blindfolded dance challenge. 

It was a successful one. Thank goodness.

The hosts left him alone for a few challenges. So he laughed when it was appropriate and winced when the situation called for it. Like when Daehyun has to diss Dongho and he called him hyung in the middle.

“Minsoo-ssi! Wyld-ssi! We have an impossible task for you!”

“What’s that?”

“Make D.Min-ssi smile!”

So he was going to ignore how offensive that was for a minute and try. He looked at his partner.

Minsoo paused.

“Tickle him?”

“Not gonna work,” Jaewon decided. Minsoo turned to him.

“Maybe I’ll just tickle you!”

“W-wait! That’s not the point!” Minsoo was tickling him and the entire situation made him laugh.

Was he serious?!

“Whoa?!”

They turned to where the hosts had gasped, and a screen replayed a fond smile cracking across Dongho’s face.

What?

“Wyld-ssi! Are you magic?” The first host was right on top of him. He shook his head.

“Um... no?”

“How did that happen?” The other host was there now, too. Minsoo pointed to Dongho.

“Ask him? He’s right there?”

They ignored the leader. It was for comedic value, he knew, but he didn’t like it. That, and he was incredibly flustered.

“What did you do?!”

“I don’t know!”

They turned to Dongho, finally.

“What was that?” 

“My bandmates being ridiculous?” He raised an unamused eyebrow. And Jaewon wondered for a second why he wasn’t their visual. The host crossed his arms.

“I didn’t know you could smile!”

“I’ve smiled before. Plenty of times,” Dongho refuted.

“They’re just rare! And that makes em special!” Daehyun chirped. He wasn’t really wrong.

Jaewon and Minsoo nodded in agreement.

Speaking of Minsoo.

He um...

He chose to make Jaewon his chair for the rest of their time on set. Like a little kitty.

The hosts were polite to him and he was polite to them. They seemed a little more surprised that his personality didn’t change with the cameras. Which was fair if all they had to go on was his reputation.

But the day ended so they picked up and left, dropping Jaewon off at the hotel. 

He scanned his card, reminding himself to sleep well, because the competition was soon.

Jaewon opened the door.

“ _I’ve finally found you, love_.”


	22. DAEHYUN

His phone was ringing. It was kind of late, honestly.

“Hey! JL sunbaenim mentioned hosting you guys today. Figured I’d check in on you,”

“Why?”

“I’ve heard about the sasaeng. Everyone has, honestly-“ there was a scuffle on the other end of the phone and something that sounded vaguely like  “ _I’m asking! Stop!_ ”  but he wasn’t sure “-how is Wyld? I was worried about him.”

“Hyung? How did you get to know each other?”

“Did he not tell you? About the time I kissed him in the bathroom? And then there was a meeting with both the CEOs and yours wanted a dating announcement out of it? And he said no, not for his sake but for mine?” Minyoung sounded more confused than upset.

“I knew about the bathroom. I saw that,” he admitted. “But what are you talking about with a meeting?” Minyoung sighed.

“I figured you saw. Anyway, a pap caught a photo before he managed to push me off and say he wasn’t interested. Wyld said no to the dating announcement because he didn’t want me to get hurt.”

“That sounds like hyung,” Daehyun groaned.

“Are you okay?” Minyoung’s voice was concerned.

“Yeah, just tired of him trying to protect everyone but himself,” Daehyun told her. She hummed in understanding.

“I wonder if it has to do with your CEO. He was so weird. Like, he got angry when the deal fell through? I was kinda scared he’d hit Wyld, the way he was going on,” admitted Minyoung. “He was so insistent on getting the press.”

“I- I’ve never seen him like that,” Daehyun told her. She seemed relieved based on the sigh she let out.

“Well if he hurts any of you, call me in, I’ll expose his ass,” she said.

“I will,” he promised. There was some talking on her end of the line before she spoke again. “I’ve got to go. Let Wyld know I say hi and that I hope he’s okay? He’s a really nice person and he doesn’t deserve this.” Her voice went soft. It wasn’t really fond, more kind. Daehyun was relieved they got along after that weird first meeting.

“I will!”

He called Jaewon hyung, and he picked up right away.

“Hyung?”

“H-hey, Daehyunah, what are you doing?” There was something weird about his voice. Maybe he was drinking alone or something? Daehyun wouldn’t hold it against him. These were stressful times and it wasn’t like he was hurting anybody by it if he was. 

Or he was just tired. Minsoo hyung had said his voice changed when he was tired. 

“Minyoung and I were talking, she said to say hi,” he explained. 

There was something muffled and weird clang before Jaewon replied. Was he still at the hotel?

“Who? O-oh! Your friend! How is she doing?”

“Worried about you,” Daehyun replied.

“Don’t be,” Jaewon laughed, a little too quickly, voice a little too high. Something was up. “There’s worse things. I can endure.”

More muffled sounds.

“I’ve got to go, b-bye!”

And Daehyun wasn’t sure what to think about that.


	23. DONGHO

“Hello? What are you calling for at this hour, Daehyunah?”

Their makane’s voice seemed a mix of high-strung and weary.

“Do you have a minute?”

“I have several,” he replied, putting down his book. Daehyun was going to be a long enough phone call that he wouldn’t remember what he read anyway.

“I was on the phone with Minyoung, do you remember her?”

Minyoung... Minyoung....

“The one from Marshmell-O?”

“Yeah! Her! I was talking to her because she was calling to ask after Jaewon hyung,” Daehyun explained.

He cringed at the memory of how that meeting went. Only now did he realize how uncomfortable Jaewon had been. 

“So they were by the bathroom at the same time and someone caught a picture and was gonna leak it. But apparently they had a meeting between the companies and Minyoung said Jaewon hyung said no to dating because he didn’t want her to deal with getting hurt over it,” Daehyun continued. 

“Sounds like him,” he drawled. Daehyun laughed, a sharp burst.

“That’s what I said! But apparent the CEO was really weird too, like angry weird. She said she thought he was going to hit Jaewon hyung,”

“That’s a lot of information,” he replied, grabbing keys. Daehyun took a deep breath.

“Yeah, but here’s what’s weird, I called Jaewon hyung. And his voice was off and there were weird muffled sounds in the background.”

“Weird sounds?” He was in the elevator. 

“N-not like s-sex sounds! Just ominous.”

Dongho was already in the rental car, driving to Daehyun’s.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes, tell me more,” he instructed. Daehyun yelped.

“Y-you don’t have to come over!”

“Yes I do. Keep talking.” He didn’t think his voice was the most soothing, per se, but he had to keep him calm.

“I was worried. Was it dumb that I was worried?”

“No.”

He kept reassuring Daehyun until he stopped in front of their place. He’d changed into street clothes again, and looked three seconds away from mental breakdown.

And that was how he had the other makane of MAYHEM as a teary mess in his lap.

But he was also worried about Jaewon. He  _did_ have a sasaeng on his tail.

“If you want to grab a mask, it can’t hurt to check,” Dongho offered.

“Y-yeah,” the younger member pulled one from his sweatshirt pocket, slipping the loops over his ears. 

“Let’s go.”

Daehyun clung to his hand the whole drive to the hotel.

  
Strangely enough, Dongho couldn’t find it in himself to mind.


	24. MINSOO

Minsoo walked to the hotel, coffee flavor ice cream in a little plastic bag for Jaewon. To thank him, for working as hard as he did for the games, for motivating him to tell the truth.

And just so he can see him smile because Minsoo liked the view. 

Sue him.

But it’s true, he owed their chances at victory to Jaewon. All of them hanging out at the gyms, hanging out in general.

This had started as some plan just to make sure their bandmate didn’t end up getting killed. He wasn’t exactly sure why it had turned into a giant crush on said bandmate, but he wasn’t complaining.

He wondered, when the sasaeng situation was over and felt with, could they still spend time as four? Will Jaewon go back to those clubs to seek out whatever he sought out? 

Could he fill that void?

He froze, cheeks flushed.

Cut it out!

He’d arrived at the hotel, fingers icy cold from the very much still frozen ice cream when a police officer let him in. Was the situation worse to the point that there needed to be police escorts?

“What’s the development?” Minsoo asked the question to a nervous looking police officer who’s probably fresh out of schooling. 

“We’re doing our best to find the sasaeng, there might be some DNA, but they’re trying to figure out how the break-in occurred.”

Oh.

There had been a break in. That must be it. That had to be all that happened, right?

“Alright. We’ve been staying with him so he isn’t alone. Where is he now?”

“Uh...” the younger looking officer looked uncomfortable. Then he realized why they were there.

No.

_ No. No. No. _

Please, no.

“Y- you don’t know?”

No. _Please_ don’t mean what Minsoo thinks they mean.

“Just tell me,” Minsoo grit out, his fingernails drawing blood in his palms. “Where is Jaewon and why are the police at the hotel?”

It was more of a demand than a request. Begging for the reason to be something else. They all knew it. The police officers looked deeply uncomfortable, like they didn’t want to say it. It was evasive and Minsoo probably seemed a little intimidating. But now was not the time!

“They didn’t tell you?”

“No. What happened?” Dongho and Daehyun approached. Minsoo hadn’t known that they’d been coming to visit, but in another circumstance, this could have been a fun surprise. Daehyun would have whined that there was no ice cream for him and Dongho would have made a favoritism comment or a height joke involving dairy products.

That was not what was happening right then. Instead of laughter or a pout, Daehyun’s face was betraying all the anxiety building itself up within Minsoo. Dongho seemed like he was impassive. He liked seeming like that. The white-knuckle finger clench told Minsoo that he was just as affected as they were. 

“Ah... we got called in forty five minutes ago. A cleaning staff member found your groupmate bound to a wall with a stab to the abdomen.” An older policeman, probably more experienced with delivering this kind of news, told them. 

These were unnecessary details but they stood out like scrapes on smooth tile to him. He needed to think and process and these things weren’t important.

He was hearing it, right? That Jaewon had been...

“Wh- what?” Daehyun’s gasps was echoed by Dongho’s eyes widening and then falling, and Minsoo’s fingernails gigging deeper into his palm. 

“It wasn’t fatal, but the blood loss could be. He’s in the ICU right now,” an older policeman supplied. They sighed with relief, but there was this overwhelming guilt that he could feel.

They’d failed.

They’d been trying so hard to protect Jaewon but they’d failed.

Dongho clenched his jaw, clearly unaware of the stares from the cleaning staff that the action begot. Minsoo wasn’t sure why he noticed that inane detail in this mess, but now wasn’t the time.

“Which hospital is it?”

“We can give you guys an escort,” a policewoman who appeared to be in the late forties offered them. “I don’t know what this sasaeng wants, but it might be for all of your sakes that we keep an eye out around you too.”

Dongho nodded, clearly not trusting his own voice and Minsoo couldn’t help but feel enraged towards all this.

What right did that fan have to hurt Jaewon? What right did anyone have to hurt Jaewon?

He remembered how among the comments there were words telling him that it was only a matter of time. Saying Jaewon had earned this sasaeng. And that they hoped he got hurt so that he’d learn his lesson. They were saying things that weren’t fair. Or kind. Or correct.

“You’ve been in contact with the company, right? About this whole... situation?” Daehyun was digging for information that the company never actually gave them. Why did they never know?

“Not really, they’ve reached out to us to inform us that there may be a threat to one of their artists, but we didn’t really know until the statement hit,” a police officer with gloves on his hands and plastic bags on his shows replied. He had a brush, meaning he was dusting for prints.

Like in a novel or murder mystery or TV drama. 

This shouldn’t be happening. This wasn’t fair. 

“The company hasn’t- they said they were working closely with the cops?” Daehyun turned watery eyes towards the woman who’d offered them an escort. 

“That’s what goes in the media, kid. You can tell with big companies like those, you never fully know what goes on.”

Dongho pulled out his phone, excusing himself, his expression was hard.

“D. Min? To what do I owe the pleasure?” Their CEO’s voice was always in that weird pleasant tone. It was so weird, because didn’t he know that Dongho hated being called that personally? 

“Hello, I was wondering if there was a reason the police said you weren’t working closely with them?”

“Why are you with the police?”

“Jaewon’s been hurt,” Dongho cut out. 

“Hurt? Can you get him on the phone?”

“No. He’s currently in the hospital,” the elder member looked enraged.

“The... hospital?”

“Yes.”

“I see, we’ll need to update the media, won’t we...” their CEO sounded more preoccupied. Why did the media matter in any of this?

Dongho gave them both a look, finger to his lips. Minsoo was biting his own in aim to keep them shut. 

“We’re going to see the hospital now,” Dongho added.

“Of course, of course. I’m going to see what needs to be done.”

And then their “beloved” CEO hung up.

Was he not even going to visit Jaewon?

The car ride was quiet, before the woman spoke up.

“It’s weird, the rumors your company lets fly about that kid,” her voice was odd, but they let it lie.

Because there was a mutual understanding between the members in the car. A mutual understanding that whatever Jaewon had to hide, the CEO was a part of it.


	25. DAEHYUN

“Alright, let’s talk,” Minsoo hyung leaned against the doorway of Dongho hyung’s home. “We all know the CEO is in on whatever the hell Jaewon is hiding. And he’s a lot nicer than the media lets on.”

Dongho hyung told him about Daehyun’s phone calls. Minsoo hyung took in the information, eyes serious.

“I don’t think he sleeps around,” Daehyun allowed himself to admit. “Not with so little regard.”

“He seems more like the type to fall head over heels way too quickly and flirt terribly. Except for the fact that he’s way too shy,” Minsoo hyung moved to sit on a couch, Daehyun and Dongho hyung found themselves following.

“We’re going to need to be the ones to figure this out. And there’s another thing. They want us to participate in the games,” Dongho hyung informed them. He looked up.

“Still?”

“Yeah.”

“Then isn’t it obvious? We win for Jaewon. He worked so hard to train with us, I’m not letting it go to waste,” Minsoo hyung wasn’t even talking about his brother. That didn’t quite matter as much. Daehyun smiled.

“Win for Jaewon hyung?”

“I can get behind that,” Dongho hyung nodded. That had been their first and last fully verbal conversation on the matter.

Then it was the day of. 

MAYHEM probably made for a broody picture, but news had already leaked that a member had been attacked and was in the hospital. They were allowed to look upset, especially when they were being made to appear in a sports competition.

“Hey, guys,” Minyoung sauntered up to them. “Is Wyld able to be here?”

“He’s been hurt,” Daehyun reminded her.

“I heard that it was mild... that’s awful. If it’s your CEO-“

“It was the sasaeng,” Dongho hyung cut in. She turned her worried eyes to him.

“Did they apprehend her?”

“No.”

“Minyoung! Come here!” Another member of her group called for her.

“I hope he’s okay, send him my best wishes? He doesn’t deserve this,” she said.

“We know,” he replied.

She looked upset as she waved and turned to leave. 

“I’ll get us water bottles,” he offered, and headed over to the coordinators. 

There was a blue haired guy talking to a staff member. His name tag was ruined. The strap was torn.

“What’s wrong?”

“His name tag got wet and tore on who-knows-what,” the coordi explained, looking stressed. Daehyun looked at the coordinator.

“Do you have duct tape?”

“I don’t think so,” he replied. He tried again.

“White tees?”

“I’m wearing one,” the blue haired guy said. Daehyun nodded.

“Do you mind if I write on it?”

“What?”

“Hey Mayniacs!” He called to the small collection of fans with MAYHEM signs. They were close to where they were. “Do any of you have a marker?”

“Here!”

“Thanks! I’ll return it!” He called back.

Daehyun turned to the blue haired guy.

“What’s your name?” Daehyun asked. He blinked.

“Uh... Young J?”

“Okay, how do you want me to write it?”

“My stage name is spelled Y-O-U-N-G space and J,” he told him.

“Okay-“ Daehyun braced himself on his shoulder and wrote it out on his chest “-Y-O-U-N-G and J!”

“T-thanks!”

“No problem!” Daehyun smiled and turned back to the fans. “Who did this belong to?”

The fan who owned the marker came forward and caught it, Daehyun picked up the water bottles, and returned to his group.

He didn’t think much of it, but apparently that guy was in the race too. Oh, well. 

He took off at the starting sound, and was in a pretty good position. But the others were starting to speed up.

He pictured Minsoo hyung saying they’d win for Jaewon hyung. He pictured Jaewon hyung’s smiled when Daehyun would tell him he won for him.

He picked up speed. His lungs began to burn and his thighs hurt, but he sped past the finish line.

He won!

He’d be ecstatic... but there was a small problem. He couldn’t stop running. He’d built up too much momentum.

Dongho hyung jogged up to catch him, and snickered when he barreled into his chest. He shot a thumbs-up to the commentator box and mouthed ‘momentum.’ They all nodded and explained what had happened with a laugh. Which was fair. It was a little funny.

His ankle hurt and he was having trouble breathing, but the audience was mixed with cheers, laughter, and coos.

“Thanks, Daehyunah! I could barely see your legs with how fast you moved,” Minsoo hyung smiled at him. Daehyun weakly gave him a thumbs up.

He was practically dead in his seat when Dongho just straight-up destroyed his wrestling opponent. His name tag said Taes... Tae-something. Jaewon hyung’s match had been completely replaced with a member of another group. Which he was grateful for. 

Minsoo hyung was against his hyung. And they were neck and neck, no advantages. But Minsoo hyung managed the tiniest of upper hands and won.

Then came archery. Minsoo hyung destroyed the camera, and then again, and again. 

He crushed his opponents.

Minsoo hyung looked at his brother with a grin. There was no mockery in it. Just excitement. He’d succeeded in a long-held goal. Daehyun wouldn’t begrudge him that.

“Video games are useful after all, huh?” 

It wasn’t the time, but Daehyun was so proud. 


	26. DONGHO

They didn’t stick around after their events, even if they were supposed to.

MAYHEM blew that popsicle stand.

Whatever, Daehyun was stumbling and Dongho was worried that he’d hurt his ankle. They were lucky that their events were on the same day. And they had no intention to sign up for any others.

So they left. 

“Jaewon hyung will be proud of us, right?”

“Yeah,” he finally spoke. “He will.”

If Jaewon was awake.

Because he definitely didn’t seem like it when they got to the hospital. So he invited them to his place, again.

Was this a steady decline into madness?

Daehyun was sticking with Jaewon. Dongho knew he felt guilty because of the phone call.

But the cops would have dismissed it. 

He was starting to realize why Jaewon went to the company. Because few people understand that he didn’t deserve or cause this. 

There’s a prick of guilt in that statement.

He’d been like that, too. 

Dongho bit his lip. He should be doing something. Anything. He needed to be of use here.

Forums and social media was a jungle, and more posts talking about Jaewon angered him than helped their case. 

But this was where he’d find fan theories.

It felt like signing a deal with the devil when he made an undercover account. But this was how he could keep an eye on things, because he’d let their fans languish in their own ignorance the way the company had let them.

And he had no desire for that comparison.

Most fan theories were, predictably enough, about music videos, performances, hair colors or comebacks.

But there had been small subgroups dedicated to hunting down the sasaeng. One group told him in their chat that it was so Daehyun didn’t have to move in with Jaewon. One group said the same thing about him. Another group was all huffy about her not being a Mayniac, and her giving them a bad name.

It dawned on him that was why Jaewon had posted those ominous things on his story that went viral before he deleted it. He knew the company wouldn’t be much use. 

But he’d had no choice.

He cursed under his breath. 

Theories could only get him so far. It was time for him to make his own.

What did he know?

He about the discrepancy between Jaewon and Wyld. Wyld was a playboy always in some-nightclub-or-another and in a scandal. Jaewon was a shy and warm person, who didn’t seem to like crowds, was oblivious to some flirting and awkward to the rest. A warm person who had no personality traits that could even be remotely considered intentionally rude or heartless. Wyld was aloof and wanted nothing to do with them; Jaewon was overjoyed to be invited but scared of starting the conversation. 

Jaewon was hiding something. The CEO was invested in Wyld and the media. Invested in those above Jaewon’s health.

The company had said they were working with the police and made a bunch of false statements. They’d done nothing but send the most basic of notifications.

Daehyun didn’t think Jaewon slept around. And neither did he, anymore.

So why the rumors and the refusal to clarify with the company? Why did Jaewon appear in places he never really wanted to go? And when he did, why did the media always catch shots?

It was like as soon as the backlash faded over, only then did Jaewon appear again. Not like he didn’t learn, but like he wanted the backlash to continue.

And Jaewon really didn’t seem like the type to take a degradation kink that far. 

He immediately felt like washing his brain out with bleach and apologizing to Jaewon at the idea.

But... the CEO, the media. 

He didn’t like where this rabbit hole was leading. 


	27. MINSOO

They all liked Jaewon.

They knew it. It was obvious, the way Daehyun and even the stoic Dongho smiled at the guy. Minsoo knew it. 

He wondered why it didn’t bother him.

It wasn’t that he was willing to give up on Jaewon, as much as his moral compass suggested that it shouldn’t go further than what he felt. 

But he couldn’t bring himself to hate them.

Dongho, who played at unflappable and felt more than he could handle. Dongho, who loved his art and took leaps of faith to live his dreams. Who teased but never took it too far. Who tried so hard to protect himself and the people he cared about. The steady and passionate guy that Minsoo was grateful to have in his life.

He wondered when Dongho realized, or if he even did. Though he supposed that Dongho was in touch with his emotions, and actively ignored them, he probably knew. And he could picture Dongho with a boyfriend. With Jaewon, even. Protecting and playing at cold to everyone but being the same guy with hidden smiles he’d always been. Jaewon read people, Dongho tried not to be read by most.

They’d fit.

Minsoo didn’t hate it. It made him feel warm.

He didn’t hate the idea of Jaewon with Daehyun either. Daehyun, who cared for everyone and tried to be gentle. Daehyun, who smiled at people and saw all their good. Who played his guitar in the streets more for fun than money. Who, like Dongho, spoke in gestures and read into other people’s. A sweetheart that Minsoo knew he had lucked out to have as a member.

Daehyun had probably long since realized that he’d like Jaewon. It was obvious that he’d liked Jaewon for a while, now that Minsoo considered it. He could see him with Jaewon, doting on him and making him blush. Honestly, he could see him with Dongho as well, maybe even with both Jaewon and Dongho. 

He could see them, and even as his heart warmed and hurt at the same time, he’d cheer them on. 

They were good people and they meant a lot to Minsoo.

Wait a minute...

Sometimes he hated how oblivious he was.

It clicked, right there.

He liked the other members that way too. And he was dumber than he gave himself credit for.

He couldn’t stick a label on it, but could they have been something?

And then he wondered if they could do it. Be a thing, all four. 

It’s crazy, that sounded messy and a rope bridge for communication, which they were still only working on. 

But Jaewon could read people, Minsoo didn’t keep his own secrets anymore with them, Daehyun saw past everything and Dongho saw a lot more than he thought he did. And they  were working on it.

But there’d be concern of jealousy, or limits and differing boundaries.

Then again, weren’t all relationships like that?

He wanted that, to be in love with them and watch them be in love with each other. 

And he’d love to pursue the topic but-

But now?

It wasn’t the time.

They were worried about Jaewon and spinning their wheels to figure out what was going on.The more he thought about it, the more ideas and coincidences-that-may-not-have-been came to mind. And he had a sinking feeling that they all had an idea of what had happened and what the secret was. 

Minsoo was not the most observant or intelligent, he knew that. So if he figured it out, they probably realized it too. 

He just hoped he was wrong.


	28. DAEHYUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for how the others figured it out first: Daehyun is canonically one of the more observant members, but he’s also canonically not always observant when people are crueler than what they seem. If any of the members would need Jaewon to say it himself, it would be Dae.
> 
> TW FOR PANIC ATTACK

Daehyun was with Jaewon hyung again.

He wasn’t quite moving, but suddenly he _was_ and-

His eyes weren’t open but his mouth moved-

“I don’t want to make another scandal for you, I- I can’t,” hyung slurred.

He froze. What was Jaewon hyung saying?

“CEO wants another scandal, I can’t do this anymore.”

W-what?

What?

They’d known. And he had probably realized this a while ago but it was dawning on him that it was true.

Jaewon didn’t sleep around. And he was hiding something.

Daehyun hadn’t known it would be this.

He had to go home, but as he walked he felt no control over his footsteps. Like he was drunk or delirious. 

Jaewon’s secret was that every scandal was orchestrated by the CEO of their company.

That was his secret.

Why?

For what reason?

“Daehyun?”

“Set up,” he said numbly. His heart picked up pace from numb to triple time and his hands began to shake. “ _ He was set up _ _._ ”

His heart was hitting his chest.

_ Bam _

“And we realized it but we  _ didn’t _ and-“

_ Bam _

It was all he could hear.

“Dae?”

The key ring in his hand was  across the room  with a loud _cling clang_ because _he_ _ threw it there _ and _he_ _ couldn’t breathe _ -

He couldn’t breathe.

Jaewon had been _set up._

Jaewon had been _forced_ to look like that.

_ By someone they  trusted . _

There were tears in his eyes.

“All a lie, Wyld is a lie,” he laughed in between sharp and ragged breaths that couldn’t make it to his lungs-

“Talking in his sleep,” he managed to inform. “It’s a set up and the CEO tricked everyone!”

“Daehyun, look at me.”

“They’re FAKE!” He screamed. Did they not hear him?!

He could barely hear _himself_. 

Was his head underwater?

“We hear you! Just look at me.”

Dongho hyung’s voice cut through the pure panic in his mind. But he couldn’t move.

Minsoo hyung put a gentle hand on his shoulder, but Daehyun couldn’t stop shaking.

“Can I hug you?”

Daehyun still couldn’t breathe-

He nodded jerkily.

In three seconds, his face was buried in a chest and arms wrapped around him, holding him steady.

But he hadn’t fallen?

His knees felt like he would but he already had and-

“Shh,” Dongho hyung murmured, running his fingers in his hair.

It was a few minutes (hours- days- years-) before breathing began to even out, but he felt so tired all of a sudden.

“You were serious?” Dongho hyung asked him.

“Yeah,” he managed. Minsoo hyung tightened his hold on him.

His eyes traced them. What exactly was his mind trying to remind him? His brain felt like cotton in his skull.

“Sleep for now,” Dongho hyung murmured. His eyes dropped shut.

He really liked Dongho and Minsoo hyungs.

He liked them a lot.

The last thing his brain told him before he passed out was an obvious fact that snapped the blurrier edges of the world into focus. A moment of clarity. 

_It wasn’t just Jaewon hyung who he liked._


	29. DONGHO

Dongho... Dongho saw it.

The subtle glances Daehyun gave them, the way Minsoo watched them with a blatantly soft smile. He was not as obtuse as this whole situation was making him feel.

Polyamory was something he’d only heard of, but them being in love with Jaewon hurt. It was a strange sort of thing, because as much as he liked Jaewon- he wasn’t the only reason.

Why did the idea of that sentence with a “without him” tacked onto the end bother him more than them with Jaewon? Dongho was a possessive man, and he knew that about himself. 

But it was the oddity of the other three members together without him that made him feel deeply uncomfortable.

Why?

Dongho took a deep breath, looking up at the sky. The other members were curled on the couch, Daehyun nestled within Minsoo’s much smaller arms.

Beautiful. They’re beautiful.

It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed that. He’d known they were attractive, they were idols. But this was a beautiful to him. For him.

And it was weird. 

He took a deep breath, not focusing on an answer he kind of already knew. (Had known. For a longer time than he’d be willing to admit.) He watched them instead, Daehyun’s words coming back to him.

Jaewon’s secret. Why there was so much disparity between Jaewon and Wyld. The scandals he didn’t want to tell them about. The CEO forcing him into situations he hated. He was right.

There were implications that he knew he had to consider. Jaewon had been verbally abused because of the company, for the company. He’d probably been sexually harassed too.

Sexually. The one thing everyone hated about him.

Were those scandals with a nugget of truth? Did they force Jaewon into situations like that?

The idea made him absolutely ill.

“‘yung?” A bleary voice made him turn around. It was Daehyun. “C’mta bed.”

He was delirious. This was a hallucination. There was no way a cute little - well, not exactly when it comes to Daehyun - crush of his looking at him with eyes bleary and half-lidded and speaking with a slur asking him to go to bed. He wanted to kiss those puffy cheeks very much. And other things that he definitely could not afford to think about. 

He fought a hysterical laugh. This world did like to test him in new ways daily. Or maybe this was a punishment. 

For letting things devolve the way they did.

“Not yet, Daehyun-ah,” Dongho found his voice softening as their makane took a seat beside him. He smelled nice, like laundry detergent and he just evoked the picture of fuzzy blankets and fresh sheets and comfort. Daehyun’s head was on his shoulder and Dongho didn’t have to heart to push him off.

“Mn, what’ch doing then?”

“I don’t know, I want to help Jaewon,” he admitted. His admission was quiet, because after all this time, he really was late to the game. Would Jaewon hate them? For coming to his aid like this, only after having a truth they should have already known crammed down their throats?

“Sleep, then.” Daehyun’s response was quiet.

“I can’t,” Dongho admitted as he watched lucidity fight it’s way into Daehyun’s eyes.

“Why?”

“Jaewon. How much did he suffer quietly? And for what? What good reason was there to stay quiet about this to us too?” 

“Oh,” Daehyun breathed. His sparkling eyes traced Dongho’s face, prodding for him to continue. 

“It’s just... he’s been harassed online. And we knew that. Told horrible things, like...” Dongho pulled out his phone, real comments appearing on his screen. “‘National prostitute, an idol? What a joke. He didn’t earn it. He’s just there for his face and he knows it,’” he read. “‘Gosh, a scumbag like him should just die. Nobody wants to know what kind of shady wash-up he’s gonna be in ten years lol’ or ‘he’s just dragging the members down. Wyld has no right to be an idol‘ and he sees thousands of these.”

“Oh... oh no,” Daehyun gasped. There was a deeper understanding in his eyes now. That Jaewon had suffered in ways that went beyond just having to lie and feel secluded. Those hate comments weren’t even for anything he’d done. But Dongho couldn’t stop.

“And he reads that every day. And now I have to wonder. Did he feel like a prostitute? Was he forced into legitimate sexual situations? 

Because I feel like that crosses a line on consent.”

“I want to say that you sound like Minsoo hyung... but we can’t ask Jaewon hyung. That’s possible- that’s possible and it’s not fair.” Tears were crawling down Daehyun’s face. Dongho wiped them off, pulling Daehyun in for a hug as he sobbed into Dongho’s shirt.

“I heard my name, what’s... up?” Minsoo padded over to see the phone and the comments. He read them, eyes darkening with rage. Like they had before when they’d seen them the first time.

“We need to do something about this, especially now,“ Minsoo growled.

“I know,” sighed Daehyun.

“Was that why you’re up? You have to invite me,” questioned Minsoo, eyes irate.

“No, I just can’t sleep.” Dongho looked out at the city. 

“Why?”

“How many different ways has Jaewon suffered?”

“I don’t know, we won’t know until we ask him. And we can’t right now. So instead, we’re just going to have to make things better for when he wakes up.” There was a cold fire in Minsoo’s eyes. Determination built on rage. It was terrifying and empowering and had no right to be as attractive as it was. 

“Media,” Daehyun blurted. They looked at him. “Isn’t that the perfect thing? This all comes from the media. Was all for the sake of the media. Wouldn’t it be justice to bring it down that way, too?”

Brilliant. Daehyun was  _ brilliant _ . 

“He’s right,” Minsoo nodded. “And not to mention, that’s our playground. Our _good old_ _ CEO-nim _ -“ Minsoo’s voice took on a mocking air as he waved the cellphone “-only seems to care that they hate Jaewon. We have the leeway we need.”

Daehyun took out his personal Twitter, since he had the most followers, and started drafting a tweet. Dongho watched his fingers skitter over the keyboard, deleting and then re-typing. 

“How does this sound? ‘Hah... sometimes there are things that you learn. And then as you dig deeper and understand more, you’re horrified.’ Does that work?”

It wasn’t wrong. In another world, maybe he would have posted that as a reaction. If they weren’t with him.

“I think so,” mused Minsoo. 

“Daehyun, once it blows up, take it down,” Dongho added. 

“So it’s more suspicious,” Minsoo agreed. 

“It’s late at night/early morning, wait until eight-ish,” Dongho added, looking at the time. “Posting it now makes it all the more suspect when you take it down.”


	30. MINSOO

The post did blow up. Their mentions all went wild. Some asking if they were having a subunit comeback. Others asking if it was about Jaewon, and him being attacked by a sasaeng. Some people were already saying they must be angry at Jaewon.

Had their plan backfired? 

At exactly eight, Daehyun deleted it, sending fans up in arms. There was a reaction. But was it a good one?

“It’s definitely made it’s rounds,” Minsoo mused. Daehyun turned to him.

“Alright. Dongho hyung, do you want to fake cleaning-crew this?”

He already had a post.

“‘Sorry about any confusion. Daehyun was tweeting a personal reaction to an internal company matter. We’re not at a liberty to discuss it.’” 

“Oh that’s brilliant,” Minsoo gasped. This should direct their attention to the company. 

It did, but not fully. It seemed there were some people out there who were determined to hate Jaewon. Betting that Jaewon had started this mess on purpose. Or just assuming that they hated Jaewon. They were a minority of the posts, but just enough to make an impact.

Not just that, a video on YouTube had begun making its rounds too. 

They watched it in silence.

A person was speaking, with class pictures in hand, showing both himself and a younger Jaewon. He began by explaining who he was, and that he had recently heard that Jaewon had become an idol. But that there was no way that Ahn Jaewon was ever like that. He discussed that Jaewon was bullied in school, was too quiet and kind, and rarely spoke to girls. He said that they’d never been friends, but Jaewon was always a nice and respectful person and he ought to defend Jaewon if Jaewon wouldn’t for himself. The video was obviously homemade. And based on the comments, people looked into him. He wasn’t lying, they had been in the same class. And there had been rumors that Jaewon had been bullied before.

“I hate that. That Jaewon’s never not been bullied,” Minsoo growled. Daehyun nodded silently in reply. 

“It seems all we can do right now is monitor,” Dongho told him. “We can’t just outright say it or we all get in trouble. Wait... our notifications are booming again.” Minsoo looked at the rising numbers in the red bubble. He was right. 

“That’s because someone’s put it together. Somebody pointed out that HCE is shady and that I was probably upset because I found out that they’re the reason hyung has his reputation,” Daehyun explained, looking at the forum post being screenshotted and posted everywhere. Minsoo hummed, not yet willing to believe it came this quick. 

“So why is this theory the one blowing up?”

“Because if it’s true, a member of our team got  stabbed because of a reputation the company gave while we didn’t know that he wasn’t what everyone thought he was,” Dongho muttered. “And it  _is_.”

Minsoo groaned. This was getting messier by the second. 

“A bunch of people are asking me to disprove it and tell people to calm down because it was just a theory. Twitter needs a dislike feature,” Dongho continued. Minsoo frowned. 

“That’s a perfect response, actually.”

“Wait, what?” Dongho turned to him, Minsoo shrugged.

“It’s not confirming or denying anything, no?”

“You’ll look like an asshole,” Dongho shook his head. Minsoo snorted.

“I  _am_ an asshole,” he replied.

“Lee Minsoo,  _don’t you dare __say that about yourself,_ ” Daehyun looked him in the eyes, serious and frowning. 

“I... okay.” 

And that was all he could say. Because his tongue found itself glued to the roof of his mouth. That was way too hot for such a situation and pairing it with words like those was _not fair!_

“Like a tweet from the person who posted this, that’s as subtle as we can do,” Minsoo grit out. Daehyun beamed and... and  _fuck_ . 

That  _duality._ That  smile and those  soft eyes.

_His members were actually going to kill him one day!_

Predictably, the timeline went nuts. But by midday, the fervor had only reached a boiling point when the police report got leaked by hackers.

It had been six hours. Their fans scared him a little sometimes.

There was so much detail, he noted as he read. They even added that the members hadn’t been told, or that they’d asked about their company and it said in black and white lettering in that report that the company hadn’t reached out a single time. That Jaewon had been bound and stabbed, and that when searching the hotel room, which hadn’t requested cleaning up with the placard on the door until that morning, had no signs of anything beyond an extended stay. Laundry in a neat bag, no woman’s clothes, condoms, or alcohol. At all. And CCTV backed up the claim-he’d just been with the members or alone. 

“That’s all it says,” Dongho finished reading. Minsoo fought the urge to feel smug. Instead, he frowned.

“Wait. The sasaeng hasn’t been arrested yet?” Dongho shook his head.

“Nope, she was thorough. Body covered the moment she got into the hotel, no hair or prints or spit or sweat on the scene. All they have is height and approximate figure.”

“Yikes,” Daehyun winced. Minsoo sighed.

“She’d been planning it. For a while. It makes sense.”

“So now what?”

“A lot of people are tying the liking of the post to Dae subtly saying the theory is true. I think some people think that the person behind the account is one of us.”

“Whatever, that person can either catfish or disprove. Let’s go check on Jaewon. See if he’s awake.”


	31. JAEWON

_Jaewon-_

_Jaewon sees_

_It’s a weird sort of seeing, more of an understanding after seeing the same thing so many times_

_But he still sees_

_And everything..._

_It makes a little more sense now_

_He sees autumn._

_Changing_

_Colorful and bright_

_A busy time where the fight to survive is strongest_

_He sees silver hair and flaming eyes_

_Determination and passion_

_And in that,_

_he sees love_

_  
_

_He also sees winter_

_  
  
_

_Icy, cold_

_But in there is rest, and quiet_

_  
_

_He sees vulpine eyes, a stoic expression_

_And beautiful crystals protecting the earth from itself_

_There, too, Jaewon sees love_

  
  


_Blossoming, birthing and bright_

  
  


_Spring_

_  
_

_Healing, thawing icy hearts_

  
  


_Blonde hair_

_Bright smiles and linked fingers_

  
  


_Maybe there, love is too_

_  
  
_

_He is not their summer_

  
  


_Too mild_

_Too afraid_

  
  


_But he flits and revolves around them_

  
  


_And maybe upon all these maybes_

_That’s also love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA AND YOU THOUGHT HE’D BE AWAKE.  
> Nah, just sappy poetry about Jaewon loving his boys, love that for him. I wrote this chapter before this story and intended to use it as a one shot but then I had a premise for another fic so I decided to make it a chapter!


	32. DAEHYUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might not be updating every day because I too am now working on a project.  
> And for that project I have had some pretty great ideas. I also have in my drafts the darkest fic I may ever put on the internet.  
> So... yeah:)

Hyung still wasn’t awake.

And the internet was a mess.

People were talking about Jaewon hyung being the victim and publishing long apologies and confessions to hate comments. Fans who had stuck by him cheered him on.

But Daehyun was angry.

As soon as there’s what they saw as definite proof, they turned on a dime. 

He wasn’t angry that people stopped hating Jaewon hyung, he was angry that it took them this long to stop. That they seemed so two-faced. All the hate-pages suddenly rebranded as fansites. Comments that had plagued his hyung disappeared like their effects could with a delete button. Dongho hyung reported that a lot of the fan groups who’d been searching for the sasaeng so they wouldn’t move in with Jaewon hyung were now looking so they wouldn’t be afraid of her when he did move in with them. 

It made him angry and it made the others angry. But he was happy, almost viciously so, that Jaewon hyung was getting fans and recognition that he deserved. The others were no different. 

He looked at his hyungs, they’d been staying at Dongho hyung’s for now and waiting for any news at all.

Fans had been very excited about a dorm for them based on this. 

But what he was realizing was how they were acting. Towards each other and towards him.

They liked each other. They both liked Jaewon hyung. And they both liked him.

Which was -

Wow.

Was that allowed? Was that possible? Just them as four boyfriends?

The notion made him giddy.

He smiled at them, and they gave him smiles back.

Tired, loving smiles.

They shared one between themselves too.

He knew they knew. It was obvious. Not that they said a single word out loud, but they didn’t really need to.

The unspoken knowing hung in the air like fairly lights, casting a little glow on everything.

When the time came and they were four once again, they could talk about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUH
> 
> another unrelated author’s note but I’ve been reigniting my A:TLA love with the renaissance and ngl, Zuko resonates a lot harder now in 2020 than back when I was younger and was toph-obsessed (i still love her, stan toph)


	33. DONGHO

They’ve caught her.

The three words made his heart skip beats when they took them in to ask if they’d seen her face around and they didn’t even recognize it all that much. 

Her name was Sohee. She was vaguely pretty, in a deranged sort of way. 

Like this, hair a mess and tears staining her cheeks as she screamed for them, the monster haunting their bandmate looked so much more human. 

“He said I was his world!” Her voice rose to baleful shrieks. “He _lied_! He lied to me!”

Daehyun watched with a horrified, morbid fascination that made Dongho want to cover his eyes. She lunged for Daehyun, restraints keeping her back. Minsoo still made sure to stand between them. 

“ You!  You called him that night! Who is  Minyoung ?!  _ Who’s that whore who got between us?! ” _

“Minyoung is my  _ friend _ and she is  _ not _ a whore,” Daehyun snapped. It was the first time he’d ever seen that kind of anger cross his face. 

“Were they dating?” An officer asked Dongho. 

He already knew he could shake his head to that.

“Not a chance.”

He remembered their conversation at ISC. There was no way Jaewon was romantically entangled with her. 

Another officer came in with a phone and an unamused expression.

“He did say that though. He signed an album to ‘Wyld’s world.’ I went through the signing event fancams til we found her, wasn’t hard when it was going viral again.”

They watched as an on-screen Sohee presented on-screen Jaewon with a plushie, the beam that took over his face when he saw it, how she asked him to sign it to his world. Like a true idol, he made no comments and beamed when he signed the album.

Apparently the arrest was public enough that the fancam and what she had screamed in the street went viral. 

He found himself watching it even later, after they’d confirmed she had attacked him. The clerk that day had described her well enough. 

She was arrested and detained and awaiting trial.

But that wasn’t why he kept watching it. It was because of how Jaewon had smiled at the gift. 

He bought a kitten plushie for Jaewon, to give him when he woke up, so Jaewon could smile like that and not have it tainted by anyone else. 

A picture of that smile that had spread across Jaewon’s face went viral again. 

Dongho saw Minsoo make it his phone background. The dork.

He met eyes with Daehyun, watching with an amused smile. He beamed at Dongho, and Dongho found himself relishing in the way his heartbeat began to change with it. Life exploding it’s color in the steady monotony of his heartbeat.

Everything would be alright.

They would be alright, too.


	34. MINSOO

Coincidence was a powerful force in this world.

But it was on their side that when they came to visit.

Jaewon was awake. 

And he was lucid.

And he was going to be okay.

The happy tears that spilled from Daehyun’s eyes and the way Dongho’s whole face softened with relief told him enough about the other members’ reactions. 

“Jaewon!” He kept a face with full cheer when he came in the room.

He looked up at them, blinked, and broke into a brilliant smile.

“Hey,” he said.

“I’m so, so sorry this happened to you,” Daehyun murmured, holding Jaewon’s hand.

“It’s not like you stabbed me,” Jaewon smiled weakly. Daehyun shook his head.

“Still!”

“Um... so what’s going on in the outside world?” Jaewon turned the question towards them. They exchanged a look.

He was asking about if there were scandals, and what backlash he should expect. And about the sasaeng.

And What backlash he should expect for that too.

“She’s in jail,” Dongho told him bluntly. “For attempted murder. Pressing charges doesn’t matter here.”

“You totally weren’t going to, were you,” he accused. Jaewon looked at him, helpless.

“It’s not like she was in her right mind.” Jaewon looked sad. “She needs help, not a prison sentence.”

“Has anybody told you that you’re too good and pure for this world?” His question was met with Jaewon blushing from ear to ear.

“Oh! And we won our events for you!” Daehyun cheered, but Jaewon frowned and ran his fingers in their makane’s hair.

“They still made you compete?”

“Yeah, but I thought about you the whole time! You were the strength that made me win the race!” Daehyun told a startled Jaewon. 

“He ran so hard that he physically couldn’t stop himself,” he informed Jaewon. Jaewon covered a giggle.

“Dongho hyung caught me!”

“I- that’s great,” Jaewon blinked.

“Are you okay, hyung?”

“I guess I’m just a little surprised that you thought of me when it was supposed to be about Minsoo hyung.” Jaewon shrugged. Minsoo shook his head. This guy, for real.

“It can be about both,” he told him. Jaewon looked at him, eyes soft.

“Okay, I’m happy for you guys.” Jaewon smiled at them. Minsoo blurted the words before he realized he said them.

“Can we hug you?”

“Yeah, the wound‘s mostly healed, apparently. Said it was in a lucky kind of place,” Jaewon said. 

“There’s nothing lucky about getting stabbed,” he retorted. Jaewon shrugged. 

“Well... no? But I didn’t puncture an organ!”

“ _ She _ didn’t puncture an organ when she stabbed you, you didn’t do this to yourself,” Dongho rumbled. 

Jaewon laughed awkwardly. 

“It’s not that big of a deal anymore. Everything’s okay, right?”

“Oh, this is for you,” Dongho carelessly pulled out a plushie. Jaewon blinked at it, a little confused, but then he smiled softly.

“I like it. Thank you.”

Oh, what was that? His heart melting into drippy goo?

Yes! You are correct!

  
They stayed with him, just quietly, for a while. Then a doctor came in to talk to Jaewon. 

He still smiled at them as they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not @ Kang Dongho getting a plushie and being a sweetheart and screwing it up by being like “...this is yours now. Deal with it.”
> 
> I have taken on exactly three projects and have asked to be ritually slaughtered.  
> The text in got in response read “Wow.” and the conversation ended there!  
> Also... I just realized exactly what hasn’t been sitting right with me about Trump: what white supremacist has the reason to wear That Much spray tan? Oh yeah, and that he declared anti-fascist ideology a terrorist group that opposes his ideals and basically admitted to being a fascist with that uwu  
> Damn I’ve been political up in here.


	35. JAEWON

He would be discharged tomorrow. He sat in his hospital bed, pondering the chaos he’d be set to deal with.

He decided not to think about it when a door opened. It was his mother.

She knew.

A familiar stab a guilt punched his gut.

“Wyld, huh?”

He smiled sadly. 

“There’s too many lies in that name.“

“I’m so proud of you, I wish you’d told me sooner,” his mother pressed on. 

“I didn’t use them,” Jaewon blurted. “The checks you sent. I paid the bills myself.”

“You’ve been keeping me out of the loop,” her voice was sad. Their sentences finally matched tracks. 

“I didn’t want you to be ashamed of what they said about me,” he told her. She sat beside him and pat his head. 

“Listen to me, Ahn Jaewon. You are my son. I will never, ever be ashamed of you.”

“I’m sorry, that you had to find out like this. I’m sorry, for lying to you,” he continued.

“I understand why you did,” his mother’s eyes curled with a soft smile as she put her hand over his. “I should be mad, but I’m not. I’m angry at that woman who thought she could lay a hand on my son, at your company for not protecting you from the media like they should. Never at you, my beautiful boy.”

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Won-ah.”

She kissed his temple.

“I have to go back soon, but I’m happy you were awake this time,” she said softly. “I looked you up and saw what lies were being told about you. It was when someone asked how you were being treated and I said you said you were doing well. They seemed so curious about the company, so I looked it up.”

He nodded mutely, tears creating a lump in his throat.

“Won-ah? Introduce me to your bandmates sometime, okay?”

“Y-yeah, I will.”

“I love you,” she whispered, a comforting hand on his shoulder. He smiled up at her. 

“Love you too.”

And she was gone.

Jaewon didn’t know how to feel. It was like everything had been taken from his limbs in that moment. His mother, the soft woman he’d wanted to protect over everyone else, and he’d failed in that.

But she was like she always was, kind and loved him. Jaewon was so grateful to have her.He would have crashed and burned into little pieces if he didn’t know his mother back home was cheering for him to sing and dance and find friends and success.

Speaking of, friends. What was going on with his? (And he was sticking with the label of friends, because for all he loved them in every way, he knew that miracles had limits.) What was this tension between them? It wasn’t bad, per se, but he didn’t understand.

It lasted through to his discharge from the hospital. (He could dance again, after rest and physical therapy, and he’d be okay. Minsoo had brought him ice cream when he learned it, Dongho and Daehyun laughed.)

It lasted as they stayed in Dongho’s house. “It,” as Jaewon wasn’t sure what else to call the new looks in the other members’ eyes when they looked at each other. As he didn’t know how to explain why their voices softened with what Jaewon knew was fondness at the sight, how to explain why their postures eased and tended in their own ways, how to explain the blushes or the shy smiles.

But this was enough, and he was scared of whatever they’d managed to achieve falling apart. It spurred him to blurt out what he had to ask.

“I need you to be honest, what’s going on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl the first project I’m taking on has some parts I’m Very Proud Of.
> 
> The second one feels like I’m driving a car in handcuffs.


	36. DAEHYUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’ALL THERE IS RIVALS TO LOVERS IN MY DRAFTS I REPEAT RIVALS TO LOVERS IN MY DRAFTS
> 
> Now that I have your attention! I need prompts :p

He dropped his phone.

It clattered loudly in the pin-drop silence.

“I have a big fat crush on all three of you,” Minsoo hyung deadpanned. 

Dongho hyung spit out his water, coughing.

“Hyung! Are you okay?!” He rushed over to Dongho hyung, who had suspiciously pink ears. He gave him a thumbs up so he turned back to Jaewon hyung with a sheepish grin.

“Me- me too?” He tried, raising a hand. “I like all my hyungs that way?”

“I-“ Dongho hyung tensed. 

“Dongho hyung,” he said, eyes tired. 

“I shouldn’t be saying this,” Dongho hyung looked like he was more pleading with them to stop than anything. Minsoo hyung sighed.

“Shouldn’t be or don’t want to be?”

“I feel the same,” Dongho hyung admitted, tense. “And I want something but I can’t do that to you guys.“

“What are you afraid of? We’re us, and nothing else matters,” Minsoo hyung crawled over and took his hand. With that, Dongho hyung’s tenseness cracked. He pressed a kiss to the back of Minsoo hyung’s palm. Daehyun picked up his phone, and placed it on the coffee table. 

“Jaewon hyung,” Daehyun stared at the myriad of conflicting emotions flickering across his face like a staticky TV. He looked simultaneously hopeful and heartbroken. He read with weariness, wariness, and a tinge of recklessness. Withholding and wanting painted his posture.

“I’m just... It’s just- _me_? In that equation?”

It broke his heart a little. He could tell that even Dongho hyung let hurt peek through.

“I adore all of you dorks,” Dongho hyung huffed, eyes looking away. “Why would I lie about that?”

“You’re such a tsundere,” Minsoo hyung snickered, planting a kiss on him, long and heavy.

Daehyun headed over and peppered little kisses on Dongho hyung’s wrist, and pressed one to Minsoo hyung’s forehead from behind the couch.

Two could play at sappy, hyung.

Dongho hyung smiled at him, eyes curling, before he turned to where Jaewon was next to him and placed a gentle, soft kiss on his cheek. Jaewon pressed his fingers to the spot, his eyes like black stars.

“I’m still asleep, aren’t I?”

Daehyun sighed and wrapped his arms around Jaewon.

“No. We all really care about you a lot,” he said into Jaewon hyung’s ear. 

“I like your smile, Jaewon, and your strength,” Minsoo hyung told him from his place on Dongho hyung’s lap. Dongho hyung traced little circles on Daehyun’s shoulder. It was the four of them like this, and Daehyun loved it.

“It’s your kindness and warmth. You’re a really, really good person,” Dongho hyung told Jaewon seriously.

Hyung was as red as his hair, but unable to hide his face in his shirt, opting to turn and do it in Daehyun’s chest.

Was this some sort of dream? He never wanted to wake up.

“It’s... I want that... but I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m- I’m  _ Wyld _ ,” Jaewon hyung explained, like who he was could ever be a valid reason to dislike him.

That... that was a thing, yes. Did they care? No. 

He spoke up.

“If you think that means we should expect you to cheat because of scandals that you never actively participate in or want to get into-“ 

“What are you talking about?” Jaewon hyung’s nerves practically sparked electricity in the air.

“We know,” Minsoo hyung told him bluntly. That was something he loved about him. A trait he admired. 

“But... but how?”

“Jaewon, you’re nothing like Wyld, and you’ve never been,” Minsoo hyung laughed roughly. “If anything, we owe you an apology for ever even letting the thought cross our minds.”

Jaewon hyung shook his head.

“ _ I am him _ . And I manipulate people, all the time,” a sad sort of hysteria built on Jaewon hyung’s face. “I tricked the CEO, manipulated public reactions and I-“

“Protected yourself, spread word of a sasaeng that would have been used against you instead of seen for what it truly was,” Dongho hyung cut in, his voice a murmur in their ears. 

Tears traced crystalline paths from where they overflowed in Jaewon hyung’s dark eyes. 

All three of them reached at once to wipe the tears for Jaewon, but Jaewon did it himself.

“I really, really feel the same.”

“We’re on the same page, then?” Minsoo hyung asked, a note of anticipation in his voice. 

“I want to be something,” he braved to say.

“Me too,” Dongho hyung said quietly.

Jaewon hyung smiled at them, tears still on his face as the most blinding beam crossed his face.

And Jaewon hyung nodded, too.


	37. DONGHO

There was a knock on his door. Dongho opened it to a policeman, who looked at all of them and nodded.

“Good, we were informed you’ve all been staying here. We need to bring you in to ask some questions.”

“Is this about the sasaeng?” Jaewon piped in shyly. The cop shook his head.

“No, someone will explain when we’re there.”

The car ride was silent. The hall of the station was not. There were a bunch of trainees, all gossiping as trainees do.

“ _There’s another trainee in there_ ,” a trainee who looked like she was around sixteen whispered. “ _ She blew the whistle on the CEO for harassing her friends at school. I think the guy was called Joh-yi? And she also claimed that he’s not the only one .”  _

“ _Who? Hold up_ - Is that MAYHEM?!” A male trainee gaped.

“ _Sssh_ _!”_ The first trainee hissed. “ _There’s a rumor that’s she claimed that she saw the CEO with his foot on Wyld’s head and forced him to beg not to add to the debt of the other members.”_

“ _Wait, really? Why now?”_

_ “You haven’t heard all the rumors? That Wyld isn’t actually a playboy? And that it’s the company’s fault? She thought people would believe her now if she spoke up, but before she thought she’d get waved away.” _

_ “I signed the wrong contract.” _

“ _Same, my guy.”_

A female police officer smiled at them.

“My name is Lee Byunghui. From the looks of it, you’ve already heard why you’re here?”

“The CEO’s been booked?” Daehyunah hazarded a guess.

“Yep,” the cop sighed. “Normally we’d keep it quiet but there’s a lot of testimonies we need. 

“Jaewon- Jaewon’s never told any of us about it,” he told the police officer. He got a sinking feeling it wasn’t as fictional as it sounded.

“You’re not denying it,” she noted. 

“He’s not a good person. I don’t know how out of character that really sounds when it comes to him,” Minsoo spit. 

“I see,” she wrote something down in her notepad before nodding again. “We’re gonna ask you some questions. Wyld- Ahn Jaewon-ssi, can I ask for you first?”

There was a tug on Dongho’s sleeve. Oh.

Jaewon was holding him. Dongho was closest. And most likely to stay quiet. Jaewon’s face betrayed his anxiety in ways barely seen. Dongho knew the officer noticed.

“Can I bring someone with me?”

“Alright, if he can stay quiet,” she allowed. The recording device was turned on and they say sat in the provided folding chairs. They’re was a third, so Dongho sat next to Jaewon, running his thumb over the younger’s palm in what he hoped was a soothing motion. She started.

“So, is it true, then? That you were put in a situation with his foot on your head and you were forced to beg not to add to your member’s debts?”

“Yeah,” Jaewon admitted, uncomfortable. “It was. I didn’t- I didn’t know anyone saw that.”

Dongho bit the inside of his cheek to stay quiet, opting for a white knuckle grip on the table leg instead. The police officer’s expression didn’t change, but he could tell that she’d noticed.

“It’s known that the CEO knew you had a sasaeng and didn’t contact us. You were stabbed and didn’t sue. Why?”

“I... don’t need to give the media more reason to hate me,” Jaewon answered after a beat of silence. “I went to him because I didn’t think anyone else would believe me, ‘cuz the first indication was someone posting a picture of me sleeping. He’d said he was going to deal with it. I asked to stay in a hotel because I didn’t feel safe in my apartment.”

“Because of the scandals? I’m asking for you to be honest. Are they real?” There was a spark of fascination in her eyes now. 

“I don’t- I don’t... mess around with people or try to hit on anyone, if that’s what you’re asking,” Jaewon flushed. Dongho laced his fingers in Jaewon’s, and Jaewon seemed so grateful for the action, his finger tapping a quick heartbeat against he back of his hand. 

“I’m going to add, for the record, that lying in a testimony is illegal. And now, I’m going to ask why you’ve been appearing in clubs.”

“Sometimes it’s wrong place and wrong time. Like when a lady dropped her wallet and I had to run three blocks to get it back to her. It’s not really like those are the kinda places I want to spend my time.” There was a spark of amused resignation in there. But mostly Jaewon looked uncomfortable. He had no choice but to tell everything. All of his secrets, for the open.

“Can you give an example of where you prefer to spend your time?”

“I like museums, parks, coffeeshops, and libraries.” Jaewon’s voice was quiet. 

“I see,” the cop noted, her pen making a soft scritching noise that he definitely wanted to remember in his next song. “Have you ever been put in a sexual situation against your will?”

“I’ve been kissed against my will, but that had nothing to do with the CEO. And I’m an idol... so I get put into situations that look like that a lot. But I’ve never been forced to have s-sex,” Jaewon blushed on the last word. Dongho found it endlessly endearing. And that the knot of worry that had sat in his chest loosened, just a little further. The cop continued.

“You said sometimes it’s wrong place wrong time, and other times?”

“Those are the times CEO wants me to appear in one.” And Jaewon said it. He finally said it.

“I believe you,” she said. 

He could see the relief blooming across Jaewon’s face. He gripped his hand a little tighter and grit his teeth. 

He was a monster, that man. 

She asked Jaewon some more questions. He didn’t want to give the name of the idol who’d kissed him but he explained the meeting, the refusal. All of that. 

So by inference it was Marshmell-O’s Minyoung.

Okay.

If he ever saw her, he’d have to refrain from  _ ripping her fake hair out _ , but he was okay.

There were some other questions, like why the other members didn’t know (he kept it a secret and they hadn’t been as close back then) or why he never said no (they were still in debt to the company) and then she sent him off.

Leaving him alone with her.

The last thing he saw before the door closed was a trembling-but-beaming Jaewon wrapped in a hug by their boyfriends.

Holy hell, he had no reason to be that casually adorable.

But what made him happier was that he was smiling. And he was on a road to being okay.

The officer was speaking into the mic, starting another recording, when he turned back around to face her.

“How long have you all known the scandals being fake?”

“We suspected that there was something off for a while. We started getting closer when we decided we wanted to spend time with him to make sure he wasn’t alone. It wasn’t much longer before we realized that he was hiding something and that him being a playboy didn’t fit with the rest of his personality.”

The officer chuckled, “no it does not. He literally blushed when saying sex.” 

He smiled slightly and continued.

“We knew the CEO was involved with whatever the secret was when the police officers told us that HCE hadn’t reached out once when Jaewon was in the hospital. But really knew the whole truth? It was a bit before he woke up and was talking in his sleep that Daehyunah caught on. We found that because he promptly had a panic attack.”

“So you’re confirming that the posts on Twitter made by you and your bandmate were about this?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

The cop asked him a few more questions before she nodded slightly and said that he could go. 

The first thing he did when he got out was let the others hug him tightly before they got called in. They’d all needed a hug when they came out. As the token strongest member, Dongho was happy to give.


	38. MINSOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me putting that M rating to good use. I am TEETERING on a rating change. The more I write them, the more I know what their dynamics would look like.

In the days that followed, they mostly stuck around Dongho’s house to avoid the press. And that was when he had his fun. It had started mainly as a joke and a distraction from the uncertainty and what was going on in the world of the internet, seeing how far he could push the others. 

It was funny, at first. Low cut shirts that let them see his collarbone, suddenly wrapping around them and kissing their arms or necks. The surprise and attraction was incredibly gratifying. But also incredibly hot. He liked seeing them like that, they were literally dating and attracted to each other. 

He lay across Dongho’s couch, white shirt that belonged to Jaewon hanging off of him. In a voice as affected as he could make it, as breathy as possible he whispered it like a prayer.

“Paint me like one of your French girls.”

Dongho and Daehyun stared at him, Jaewon went a brilliant red and chose to hide his face in his shirt. Then Dongho strode over, picked him up with his hands around his waist, and brought him eye level. 

“Give me one good reason you’re like this,” he murmured.

And kissed him. 

It was searing, tongue-twisting, brain-melting. A million other adjectives that he couldn’t be bothered to think too hard about. As if on instinct, he wrapped his legs around Dongho’s waist, since he could clearly take his weight (stupidly attractively buff bastard) and his arms around his neck. And fought back.

“Hyung, hyung,” Daehyun’s voice was practically a whisper, eyes wide in awe from what he could see over his shoulder and in between his lashes (he liked kissing with his eyes closed, sue him). “Look at them.”

Jaewon’s response, a little whine low in his throat, startled both of them out of the kiss. They turned to him and stared. He was red, squirming, and with one hand burying his face in his shirt and the other yanking it way down. 

Why-?

Oh.

Oh gosh. 

Letting go of Dongho, he got down, appreciating his hooded eyes and his spit-slick, puffy lips. Striding over to Jaewon, he pressed gentle kisses along the exposed curve of his neck, relishing in the little gasps Jaewon made. Once he was practically trembling, he grinned and sauntered towards Daehyun. 

“C’mere, big boy,” he purred, pulling him down by his shirt.

He didn’t stand a chance.

Honestly, they were putty in his hands and he didn’t mind that in the slightest. 

He beamed at Daehyun, and kissed him again, on the cheek. 

“Cutie.”

“H-hyung... what was that?” Daehyun was a brilliant red. 

“Me finding you guys attractive,” Minsoo deadpanned. 

“I- I’m gonna... um... yeah,” Jaewon nearly bolted. Dongho took his chances at planting a kiss on his forehead. Defeated, he flopped on the couch, shirt covering what they all knew was there. 

“Go on, Jaewon-ah,” he laughed. Jaewon looked up at him, eyes wide, and Minsoo smiled. He was so fond of these dorks.

He kissed the tip of his nose. Daehyun was a mess, eyes dazed and lips puffy. His voice was an octave deeper.

“Were you trying to distract us?”

Caught!

“Partially?” 

“And the other part?” Dongho was right behind him, firm muscles against his back. And his voice had taken a full Marina trench. 

Minsoo  _ liked. _

“I like kissing you guys,” he huffed. 

“That’s fine, but don’t push us so far,” Dongho leaned down, breath fanning across the shell of his ear. Daehyun leaned over, and bit his other one, gently.

“You don’t know what we might do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun: And now, for a gay update with Minsoo hyung
> 
> Minsoo: This whole thing best be getting a lot gayer
> 
> Daehyun: Thank you Minsoo hyung! And now for the weather.


	39. JAEWON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and almost entirely fluff but here we are I suppose

Life changes in broad and small strokes.

The others coming back into his life was, in the grand scheme of things, small. Especially compared to the ongoing media storm.

There were a lot of storms.

Including within him.

His youthful idealism was gone. Shattered.

Wasn’t that something out of a novel?

He’d read something like that in a memoir, once. In reality turned storybook. 

It was a glass castle. An impossible dream.

And he was seeing right through a fantasy.

In hindsight, he could have looked past the glass a long time ago.

He could have seen it before he drowned in filth reaching for a glass castle and found himself in a dump. 

That didn’t matter. 

Life had changed and it had changed again. There was no glass castle, but Jaewon wasn’t drowning anymore. And that was enough.

But then a million and one things happened and he was inside a glass castle again. A fantasy that he no longer believed possible. 

Was it okay? Living like this?

He wanted it, he’d swear before every judge and courtroom in the world, he wanted it more than anything.

Was it okay that he had it? Was he good enough for them? 

He stared at the ceiling.

It was late, he realized. Daehyun was already asleep, his soft breathing practically dragging him to sleep. It may also be the fingers sprawled in his hair, slowly and methodically scratching. 

He didn’t even think Dongho realized what he was doing, poor thing was so tired. But he was running his hand through Jaewon’s hair, practically stroking him.

It was sweet. Dongho was sweet. 

He could see Minsoo, who had his head on Daehyun’s chest (how did they end up like that?), smirk slightly, tired eyes hooded. 

Jaewon reached for the plushie hoping to give Dongho something else to pet. He didn’t realize until it was too late that he was leaning over Dongho. With a grumble, his boyfriend flipped over, wrapping his arms tightly around him. It was warm.

He smiled.

He could worry about that in the morning. Right now he could just feel like the luckiest guy on the planet.


	40. DAEHYUN

He watched the Minsoo hyung and Dongho hyung play a racing game from their phones. 

Dongho hyung suddenly kissed Minsoo hyung on the cheek, throwing off Minsoo hyung’s rhythm.

Minsoo hyung shrieked as Dongho hyung used the opportunity to overtake him.

“Wha- you- you played me!”

“The cheap kazoo you are, darling,” Dongho hyung laughed as Minsoo hyung huffed but melted into his hug. 

Then kneed him. 

“Was the knee necessary?” Dongho hyung rolled his eyes, Minsoo hyung gave him the most innocent look possible.

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“You kneed me, Minsoo,” Dongho hyung looked unamused.

“Yes I need you, next question,” Minsoo hyung cheekily replied. Dongho hyung blinked, and wrapped his arms back around Minsoo hyung. 

“You’re an idiot.”

He smiled, and noticed Jaewon hyung watching over a cup of coffee and a smile of his own.

Jaewon hyung was still slightly shy, but it looked like he was starting to accept his reality: he was saddled with three lovestruck dummies who loved him and each other very much.

He realized how easy Jaewon was to read when he wasn’t trying to hide his expressions. 

They got takeout and brought it back to his place. It was nice, eating as the four of them. Jaewon hyung didn’t even look like he was scared of this all being a dream anymore. But any time his face got too far away, eyes glazing over and smile slipping, Daehyun or Minsoo hyung would hang over him and kiss his cheek or steal bites of his food. Jaewon hyung seemed happy to comply too, eyes curling with amusement. 

“Ahhh,” Daehyun widened his mouth. Jaewon giggled, lowering his chopsticks to find a piece of meat and put it in Daehyun’s mouth.

“You’re insatiable,” Minsoo hyung teased from Jaewon hyung’s shoulder. Dongho hyung laughed a little.

Daehyun leered at him from across the table.

“I think that’s a quality.”

Dongho hyung choked. 

He loved them, really. 

A text made their phones buzz. Minsoo hyung picked his own up warily, scooting Jaewon hyung’s away with his other hand.

“We need to bring you in for briefing. The CEO has been arrested,” Minsoo hyung read off. “A lot of the details of our testimonies were made public.”

Jaewon hyung was trembling. 

“What does that mean for us?”

“They’re talking about transferring our contracts or terminating them and signing us somewhere else,” Minsoo hyung said, eyes on his phone. “SHC hasn’t wasted a second in making an offer. There are some companies that only want some of us. But they plan on telling us those ones at the meeting.”

SHC. That was Minyoung’s company. Their CEO had met Jaewon hyung, right? Dongho hyung looked surprised too. 

“Oh?”

But if they were back to being trainees...

“Does this mean we’re disbanding?” His voice came out quiet, but the others exchanged worried looks.

Did it?

They exchanged looks, and Jaewon hyung stood on shaky legs.

“I’m... I’m going to go change,” he whispered, leaving them. Daehyun stared at the table. They’d just gotten together and Jaewon hyung was finally able to breathe without their CEO’s intervention. So why-

Why now? Could their budding relationship survive the messy back and forth of trainee life? What if they redebuted as soloists or in different groups? Under different companies? 

Could they still have each other without MAYHEM?


	41. DONGHO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... have finally got an account.

“You wear a lot of daily makeup, hyung,” Daehyun leaned back against the bathtub to watch Jaewon work on his own makeup. Dongho found himself up against the doorway as Minsoo curiously picked up the fun little matte one with characters on the bottle.

Jaewon almost reached for it when Minsoo gave him this really cute look. Eyes all sparkly-like.

“Can I try?” 

“Go ahead,” Jaewon smiled, open mouthed and pretty, forgetting that stupid text that set this off. 

He and Daehyun watched with bated breath and fascinated attention as their smallest boyfriend carefully applied the color to Jaewon’s lips. There was no reason that should be as hot as that was. 

“Don’t forget to blot it,” Jaewon reminded Minsoo. 

“Blotting? Which step was that again?”

Right, Dongho was painfully reminded of how little attention their leader and boyfriend spent to what was done to him in a makeup chair. Which- would be still be able to see that, when they changed companies? What was going to happen to their relationship? Daehyun giggled against him and Dongho smiled. These three were so bad for his health, and maybe that was all he should focus on in the moment.

“Dabbing the extra off,” the makane supplied.

A mischievous glint appeared in Minsoo’s eye that made him sit up and pay attention.

Softly, carefully, he held Jaewon’s face and kissed his lips.

Jaewon gasped, Daehyun cackled, Minsoo beamed like a cat that got the canary, and Dongho was head over heels.

Jaewon looked shy, but his hand caught Minsoo‘s wrist, and he planted a lighting-fast peck on Minsoo’s cheek.

Here lies Kang Dongho, killed by his own heart being overstuffed, he supposed. But the mood broke when their manager gave his door a gentle knock and said he’d pulled up the car.

They headed off to the meeting in tense silence. Nerves sent Dongho’s mind into a terrifying blank. He was supposed to be in his element, in meetings like those.

Though he supposed he wasn’t supposed to have everything to lose when he entered those rooms too.

The CEO of SHC was a tall, slim man who greeted Jaewon politely with a smile before greeting them as a group. Why? Was there a play, there?

The careful smile on Jaewon’s face told him that he needed to consider that after he’d been so betrayed.

And that broke his heart, more than just a little.


	42. MINSOO

There were so many details apart at then that it was more briefing than meeting. The man across the room stood up.

“Which brings me to why I’m here. Your contracts have been terminated, and I’m here to offer you positions in my company.”

Daehyun’s hand was thrumming a nervous drumbeat against Minsoo’s thigh. Minsoo places his hand over Daehyun’s.

“What do you mean by that?”

Four thick stacks of paper slid across the table. One for each of them.

“You’re a group with great chemistry and complementary talents. I don’t see why I should break up an already well-off set,” he replied smoothly. 

He looked at the other members, Dongho seemed to have come to the same conclusions he had. And he knew Daehyun had a friend in SHC, he knew from same-room-during-phone-call-osmosis that the company treated her well. Jaewon still seemed wary. 

And he hated how much sense it made.

He read through the contract. There was no dating ban and a clause that required the company to protect debuted idols from scandal.

“I’m sorry, sir, do you mind if I take my members out to discuss this proposal?”

Right, leader-voice things.

The thin man across the table smiled.

“Of course not.”

They headed to an adjacent meeting room. And Daehyun turned to face him.

“They’re a good company. We could do worse.”

“They are,” Jaewon agreed, face pensive. “Their CEO was pretty nice last time we met. Cared more about our opinions than the money we could make off a fake relationship.”

That was... actually a glowing recommendation. A real point in his favor.

“I’ll do it if everyone else will,” he leaned forward, palms on the table.

“I’d like to be a group still,” Dongho agreed. “But only if it’s four.”

So basically, two people who just want to go where the others did. In not quite so many words. 

“It’s a good offer, and we don’t know if anyone else is willing to debut us as MAYHEM,” Daehyun pointed out. It was true. “I say we do.”

Jaewon smiled.

“If you’re going, I’m going too.”

And that settled things, didn’t it?


	43. JAEWON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has been a hot minute.
> 
> My name appears to now be simp thank u i_was_human. In your honor here’s some Jaewon loving his boys

Signing a contract for a second time was surreal.

Moving into a dorm was surreal.

Moving into a dorm  _with his boyfriends_ because fate let them redebut together was surreal.

Jaewon nearly pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Then he decided against that.

Because it was the best dream he’d ever had.

Better than any dream, he decided. Because it was reality. It was a good day.

“I look good in this!” He beamed at the mirror, taking in the sweater Daehyun had insisted that he try.

“You know what else you’d look good in?”

A voice from behind made him jump a foot in the air

“W-wha- Hyung!”

Minsoo beamed.

“My arms.”

Jaewon accepted the hug.

Minsoo hyung walked off to attend a discussion about their debut and roles, leaving him with Daehyun, who was aimlessly playing his guitar.

Jaewon sat down beside him.

“Your guitar is called Tayler, right?”

“Yup!” Daehyun beamed, and Jaewon sent him a shy smile back. Seriously, who gave him the right to be That pretty?

Dongho walked by, pausing to plant a kiss on Daehyun’s head and ruffle Jaewon’s neck. The casual act of intimacy that sent his heart in funny dances. Dongho was beautiful, too.

So pretty, so  _ dangerous _ . Poised and confident and Jaewon knew that his skin was as soft as it looked. But then there was this sweetness to him as well. A kindness that wasn’t the stoic Greek god. And that was why he was obsessed with his boyfriend.

Jaewon had very good reasoning.

He stared at the guitar, willing his heart to pace itself and  _stop skipping beats_ because he was going to have heart problems at this rate.


	44. ONE

“What happens if... I do this?”Daehyun giggled, poking Minsoo hyung’s side. An obvious giggle rose that Minsoo bit down on. They were so cute, he thought. A warm fondness settled under his skin.

“N-nothing!” 

“Wanna bet?” Dongho leaned over, brushing a stray hair from Minsoo’s face.

His phone buzzed, shattering the moment.

It was a message from a manager asking him to come in. Anxiety welled up in his chest. It was about his stage name. The warmth was gone and his skin felt itchy, suddenly.

He looked at his boyfriends, and at the phone. He’d be fine. Right?

Stepping into the office sent a wave of nausea through him. What was going to happen? Their new CEO was there, alongside a manager and a man he’s never met. 

“Ahn Jaewon, their new CEO greeted. “We wanted to talk to you about your stage name.”

What? Was he wrong and he was about to wake up from the dream of thinking things would all turn for the better?

“My what?”

“We understand that Wyld as a brand not only doesn’t suit you, but holds bad memories,” the man sitting beside their new CEO explained. “D.Min submitted a request to redebut as Dongho so we wanted to extend the offer to you as well.”

Relief, followed by guilt for not trusting them made Jaewon not even consider the way he nodded.

“I think I’d like that.”

“Do you want a new stage name?” Their manager offered gently. 

Jaewon paused, considered, and nodded.


	45. TWO

Daehyun sat on Minsoo‘s lap, Dongho raised an eyebrow.

“Dae?”

He kissed their tiny boyfriend’s nose. Minsoo blinked, going cross-eyed to stare at where their boyfriend kissed him.

Cute.

“Daehyun, what’s up?” He prompted. 

“Cuddles,” he explained. Minsoo nodded seriously and wrapped his arms around him, head not leaving Dongho’s shoulder.

“O-oh-!” 

The noise Jaewon let out was strange, but Dongho pat the spot on the couch beside him. He hated how carefully the visual sat down. Gently, he wrapped an arm around him. Jaewon startled, but melted into the touch. 

“We should watch a movie,”

“I don’t have popcorn,” he told them, knowing the vocalists of the group didn’t like movies without snacks. Jaewon turned to him, face falling into natural concern.

“I can go and ge-“

“Sit down, someone else can do it,” he insisted. Jaewon blinked in surprise and Dongho didn’t have the self control not to rub little circles with his thumb on his shoulder. Daehyun laughed. 

“I will!”

Daehyun returned twenty minutes later, popcorn in hand and cheeks flushed from running. Minsoo greeted him with a kiss and Jaewon held his hand as they headed over to his couch. When everyone was settled, Daehyun’s head in Minsoo’s lap, as Minsoo ran his fingers through Daehyun’s hair. Minsoo’s head on Jaewon’s shoulder. Jaewon’s hand laced in his.

He watched Minsoo and Daehyun feed each other popcorn and Jaewon get way too absorbed in the movie. He had seen it, and at this point watched them more than the screen.

He appreciated the little poetry in the way their voices sounded. The paintings in their idiosyncrasies.

He was a sap.

They’ve turned him into this.

Dongho couldn’t find it in himself to mind.

They stood in the practice room, breathing heavily, a song that he’d worked on with Dongho blasting again from the speakers.

This was it, they were preparing for a comeback. Under a new company, with media swirling around them in positivity like they’d never seen before, things might just look up.

Daehyun let out a soft cheer and the choreographer gave them a thumbs-up.

Jaewon smiled at him. This was it. This was it!

A laugh came tumbling out.

Minsoo leapt on Dongho, his partner in crime for so long.

“We’re really gonna do this, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dongho rested his own forehead against his, cheeks glittering with sweat. They stood there, noses brushing and foreheads touching, until another pair of arms wrapped around them. It was Daehyun.

“Come on Won-ah!”

“Oh! Okay!” Jaewon laughed and joined in the hug. It was sweaty and probably gross, but they had better concerns. 

“You know what this means?

“I get to see Jaewon hyung look hot for a camera,” Daehyun offered. 

“Wha-“

“It’s like a switch,” Daehyun said. “Jaewon is cute but Wyld makes mouth go dry-

“I don’t think I’ll be using that stage name,” Jaewon admitted. “It’s not really me?”

“Nope,” Minsoo agreed. “How about cutie?”

“Ah! Hyung!” He blushed, Minsoo loved Jaewon’s blush.


	46. THREE

“Where are we going?” Jaewon hyung asked Daehyun with shining bright eyes that fluttered his heart. Minsoo hyung took over, thankfully. 

“Dying our hair! We get to go back to natural colors! They’re getting something else.”

“So why is Dongho here?” He asked. Kang Dongho Did Not dye his hair. 

“Hyung to you,” Dongho hyung chided. But Daehyun could tell her was hiding a smile. Their boyfriend was so soft for them that it melted his heart. 

“He’s getting purple!”

“Purple?”

“HCE had a deal with my parents not to dye my hair, their influence can’t touch me under CEO Choi.” A wry smirk dangles from Dongho hyung’s lips.

“Rebellious huh? That’s hot,” Minsoo hyung bumped their hips as he passed him and sat in the stylist’s chair. Daehyun paused and turned to him as the stylist began washing the hyung’s hair and treating it. 

“You don’t talk much about your parents,” he finally said, as the stylist in charge of Dongho hyung’s hair started bleaching parts to dye purple. 

“Not really part of my life. They’re kinda shit,” Dongho hyung shrugged. “I don’t even think about it anymore.”

“Hyung,” Jaewon hyung’s voice softened. “We love you a lot, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Dongho hyung chuckled, reaching out to hold to Jaewon hyung’s hand. Minsoo beamed at them, brown coloring on his brows and hair making him look muddy. 

“You guys are too cute for my heart.”

“And you look like you rolled around in the mud, hyung,” Daehyun giggled, but did agree. “He’s right though.”

“Why you little-! Of course I am! Look at them!” Minsoo made as if to get up, but stayed still to let the brown dye not shift. The color remover in Jaewon’s hair turned the studs so red in a way that made him think of that stab and that hospital but Jaewon was laughing and Daehyun couldn’t find it in himself to be afraid. 

They walked out with freshly dyed hair, Dongho was playing with the purple strands. Truth be told, it was more indigo than purple but it was a look and he may or may not want to climb his boyfriend like a tree. 

That’s beside the point. 

It’s also really adorable. And Lee Minsoo is a slut for adorable Kang Dongho. 

“You have no fucking right to be this adorable,” he grumbled, wrapping his arms around Dongho’s waist. Jaewon looked over from where he was holding Dongho’s hand and giggled.

“Are we gonna stop to hug Dongho hyung? I could get behind that.”

“I like that idea!” Daehyun leaps onto them wrapping his long ass arms around them. Dongho squirmed under the weight and people might have been staring but Minsoo was too busy watching them and realizing oh- he really, really loves them. 

“Minsoo hyung? You look a little checked out,” Jaewon, sweetheart that he is, frowned. 

“I love you,” Minsoo managed to get out. The words bubble on his tongue like popping candy and they demand to be heard and Minsoo wants them to. He wants to say it. And it comes so easy but he loves how easy it comes because, fuck, he loves them. 

Jaewon blushed a brilliant red and Daehyun, based on the heat of the face on his neck, was too. Dongho’s ears were even a suspicious pink. 

If someone were to ask Dongho what he remembers about his second debut, all he’d be able to say is his boyfriends. The photo shoots and music video and record booth blur together with bright moments of Daehyun hugging Jaewon at the microphone in the booth or Minsoo napping on top of Daehyun and Daehyun refusing to move so the leader can sleep. Jaewon would come in with coffees for them and giggle every time he got a kiss to the point where h d open the door, drinks in hand, and present his cheek.

Dongho could never refuse an offer like that, now could he?

The moment that rings clearest to him is not that night on stage, but the moment after, waking up in the dorm with Jaewon holding him so tightly and Daehyun sprawled on top of Minsoo who is, like him, clearly too in love to move. How did he even get here? 

He didn’t particularly care. 


	47. FOUR

Jaewon clicked the Twitter icon, eyeing his mentions. It was nothing but kindness towards him. 

He was still unused to everything. It felt like a dream to look at everything and know it was real.

To touch the hair that had gone back to black to a peachy pink to its current mint shade. 

To know the company he was with was a company that cared about him. 

To scrolling through the mentions that weren’t riddled with hate for things he’d never really done. 

To sitting with his three boyfriends who greeted him now with kisses as they waited backstage. 

They’d been nominated for award shows with their debut and first comeback but this time-

A breath of hope was within their fandom. They really had a chance, now.

It was a true victory, that in the same amount of time since their debut under SHC, they’d gotten closer to an award faster than HCE had ever brought them, even with his scandals. Jaewon isn’t spiteful, but given the way Minsoo was laughing about it, Lee Minsoo certainly is. Dongho watched with that same soft smile as Daehyun draped himself over his shoulder. 

“Congratulations to MAYHEM!” The MC cheered then he was caught up in a mess of confetti and lights and Jaewon found himself laughing laughing and floating on air-

A confetti canon popped again, a little later than the rest. Jaewon took it as a sign.

With a cheerful _thunk_ , the dominos that fixed Jaewon’s life finished their falling in tandem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT HAS BEEN: A WILD RIDE
> 
> Thanks for reading this mess if you’ve stuck around for it :p


End file.
